life to me

is about finding and
sharing some joy

or it isn't about anything
is it?

today i have worked hard on my knees doing some close loose drawings as commencement of a map of a farm

i will go get some of the photographed loose drawing to upload though in truth it is the gritty quink origanl that almost disintegrated in the rain -one did nevertheless a successful meeting in Upton Chester chrurch costing a potential mural should the funds be raised followed by my first serious studies of the farm shop for my mapping of products and services for the map of the site

i have put the bath water on as i am achy and weary.but i am optimistic and grateful amen

an old thought

por man/rich man just a man man kind kind man gentleman
man whois knid one of a kind whether moody logical
darwins fwkins performing monkey of superior intellect
intlligently designed christian? self programming robt of free will within the parameters of a wonderful mechanic who fills us with awe fro building with such associative soft fluid materials that Chriistan's become taoists accepting change as fro God's uploads


is man a machine
yes and no
is man a monkey
 no an yes


i'd forever talk to you bu soon my words would turn into a meaningless ring

perhaps as a child i would aspire to being mature definition not talking cheerfully but moreosely looking to a black box of ever more complicated words and trying to figre out the one word Holy bibke stood for black box with magical golld edge that turned mil white and had no pictures just the sleeping monster and darling of a dad who was moody grumpy wonderful knew erevything disspappointed me with what he proved not to knpow namely how that made me feel


yet poor me
celebrity
specialness of illness
genius
star or precious child forgives permits sin
oh Whitney i am patronising you
when i was inspired by the script you sang to
yet i illustrated a portrait of genius scientist's deterioration
in Doctor David Seedhouse's Practical medical ethic
wish he has used one of the illrutrations for the cover
but here's my judgemtn it would be less academic let the freindliness happen when the gold edge of the bibnle of clever thought open thes wards of chapters to the therapy of options of healing a paradigm set of choices sefl family group ofr society benefit whom and priveleges who the monkey or the robot or the man or the species or the empathised with inclusive ones of broad minded collective caring orchestraor whitney is still dead.we are still alive the daily mail and morrissey and a christian friends has let jobs comfortors in garabe in garbage out when asked whitney said the biggest monster was not a drug it was her
oh how can this be the conclusion only if she does not feel voveable adequte or loved we as the faith has told us from the jungle drums smoke screens and signals are to collectively forgive ourselves of sin throughthe loving scapegaoat sheep gods son


there are no answers until i have ploughed half of this filed the answers come by keep on keeeping on hope is in the furture contentments and contents all present and we are correct when focus oh take away the times when the stuff doesn't flow though yet trust and god's provision lies in you ed for being astute calm relaxed in the face of technology in you john similalrly yet my arrogance is to get the piano tuned and then to admit i only scribble and have only kept a mask on whilst i pretended to draw of play and perform when i rooted though a series of frequencies old papers dead and living libraries of long passedstill passing always present wonderful rooting for food to put onto the soul table and what if a memeber failed to find a referal or bring a succinct hookline on their three minutes of bni buried treasure that seat is worth jesus cruifixion be glad to know we accept you say the church of group ego yet each member is ready to criticise get up leave see a doctor find thea garbage in garbabge out applies to how they are currently perceiving the social progeamming they thought was love hoped was love longed to trust but we fed off a poisoned river and the virus is a super virus because we want perfection of compassionate reasonable ness don't say i am schiophrenic nor call me creative artistic autistic
arthritic arithmetic or multiply my adequacies inadequacies please just help me to be currrent fresh moving with the flow but unpoison me pathologise and correct the stream towards none stgantion flavour me with nopen ended hope and endless possitibitilies moody  now i am this now i am that the current of sleep now rem and now delpta out of it and now coming round and now adrenalised or caffeieined or sweet or sour the legs are walking me and the good habits healing my wholeness i step into the picture i paint and the picture i paint is surprising me with all it has learned by collaged both criticiseing and applauding beiong ionspired by refelcting rejecting respinning re weaving your various ways into a collective acceptanc oef something crucible crix and core of me transformed by st francis 's seek first the kingdom of understanding god is in them and in you/me same


whitneys lyric song choices like when the press points to moodiness or labels another having enjoyed the good song and hepled them to flow applauded them decides to do agreed upon judgement surgery she is defensive the songs are all if you listen aggressive and here she burst through and on drugs or not has a a go and gets angry proabably pushed by an off stage directos therapist r book tocarpe e deum seize the throat of at lest the momentary go down in history and in print airways let the mask and the role slip undefended by the damage controlling media friend manager freind originally exploiting the possibilities of wealth from this mokey performing robot programmabel talent no

just a girl standing before a public asking them to let her saty and to rearrange the way the timeline works so it goes ina dn comes out the way it one did it does it was just gods grace went unnoticed so yoiu noticed when the wind was not longer beneath your particual wings but final word goes not to anyone the currency is meant to flow conclusions are the the point you were in the river of the river nd still are though you spill into a small spiritual rock pool and wise as jesus allows you took yourself a prt from instead of dicsecting yourself and destroying an illusion of power publicly



leaning back from an essay that has wrtten itself so often to view the newing of the room


fan heater nice gently breezy sound and warm comes from neath the aquarianm of two large goldfish one is called sunshine the other wasa eithe shadrack me sahlk or abednigo  i forget which two have gone as have lots of little minnows that they ate

before me the wall is catholic with francis and calre leaning from this white french looking dek the taize adaopted francis like crucifix is slightly hidden inits large poster format only the halo inre a little of christ closed eyes and a resting angel in the space that says the king of the jes normally a photo of the tall part built white paper mache scupture that is in the loft above me intwo halves and painted in readiness fro the fruit of the spirit text must get out and ley become part of a 3d 212 and babbs fressh and almost bowing as she laughs and the photo too bends towards mesome where fresh and marvellous
guinness is good for you a metal sheet advert just the pint and no toucan and my dads old milled and lathed piston head made into a tobacco jar

thankyou please call agais in the gothic pointed tpped window hole where the nativity or some of the scen faces from me and to add africa i have put a giraffe from amy wearing a chritmas tree star
john  peel looks from the bookshelf top of this little bureau thing curricul vitae stencil pleases me for the care i took to make it pepping at me are modigino faces frederick rfranck photos fro claske and a lovely childlike creramic ark hold some corespodnece from dead and living hearts i have enjoyed the presence of and still do
i would like to thsank those that were my teachers and still are
that is something frederick wrote that spoke of such umility i knew gos had placed soemthing worth sahrig in his pecil line of seeing drawing.

it is eight i will get dressea dn then i can practise a little piano before going to my appointment although i got my good trouser out i realise i am drawing at the farm afteward so must go in hardier clothing and wrap well as the day may be cold and i woill do alittl piano before i set off at 8.30

I have a new home

yet its the same home
i have a new life yet tis the same
i have anew hope yet
its the same hope
this isn't
't just at a rhyme
yet at same time it is the same
the ordinary life its extraordinary
the coaching and the books are all brand new
yet these are the same books i read some time ago
and find i typed ideas
and did review
yet all the reviewing now it has been dysoned and
so i find am  i've been swept clean
oh yes in jesus christ
and all that he has done
and no not taking lightly
not at all
i am still just scribbling when i do my drawing and no i haven't sudden shot up to giraffe tall
my small is still an irritant to misery and
my heart is still insisting to have fun
its just
without rhyme its seems or reason
the holy spirit's love
has come not gone
as others find themselves in dowerness and bitter streams
this little flat of mine is not the same
for years they have been making tidy cosiness
and i have now begun to do the same
yet
the stream of all the words in my good books written just for children same as i eye
are being restored in all the fresheness
without the boring questioning of why

so keep it stuff it somewhere neath a pancake stack eat it like the papers that you read
my bed it now has fine fresh linen on
and a fanheater now repaired is all i need
i'll go and get a cuppa maybe chai or redbush
oh perhaps the stream of words it lack the rhyme
yet before me is a day of joy and obstacles

an annoying little box keeps coming up with the words composytition editor but still it was programmed by another's idea of what is allowable some pharisee out there who cares to be correct maybe one day
like the bedlinen i will agree

oh the joy of words flowing uninhibited like breath blood and pee
God's lovely tide in me


so then what had the tsunami of hope brought from this wonderful wave of full dustbins
it is brought back to me Little women an old fat book
it has brought back to me
photos of arthurs artwork around the time we were about to put a show on together with ali at the portrait house mostly of the time i spent with him in llanberys it has brought lots of photos of frederick following the news from claske that he had died short of a hundred
it has brought photos from around when i was forty from norma they are of friends like phil n pat
steve and moya
john and karen
and 'hilo and mike and a girlfriend
good times when we wereat whitelands meadow

it has brought
two cards i bought whne alone in st ives following my parting from babs


these are generous gifts from god who is spring cleaning me and pouring love and hope in me and encouraging me to cheerthe world up by being spring cleaned and testifying to joy at every opportunity in the face of so many who are not concentrating on what they want which is to love being and what he has done but are concentrating on this:




shut up!




and find the river


spiritual dependency is a gradual one
open the door to the mystery
enjoy some bizarre adventures
you could still do this
this new positve attitude is in beginning the beginning of trust
fuax spirituality this virtue trap of seeming 'Christian'(?) misery is simply not so
you need to let the Holy Spirit pour his love through you yes to you yes bury the word in your heart so it becomes a well spring of living water

for God's sake do this and do it now amen
for 'least of one of these'(your) sake do it now

tired and earned it

8.30 woken by phone call
breakfast and piano awaiting
functional life coaching
for a friend
dreams come true focus on what you want not on what you don't want
beware wolves in sheep's clothing
prayers hopes and dreams come a loving father
fear comes from the enemy
grateful for augmented insight move third and fifth to right one semitone
diminished move third and fifth thumb and first finger one semitone to left
using the one chord two hand method with octave in left thumb and little finger
Sinatra a fine romance to warm inside the melody by choosing notes to add augmented or diminished
for flavourings

Anyway off to Dee and started to make pencil doodles with a little watercolour to turn a farm map into a gentle illustrative model. My client agreed as did Margi in Dee that stone soup as illustrated by Georgien Overwater in
Usborne's illustrated stories for bedtime is truly inspirational.

Walked for a couple of hours scribbling notes and filling the camera.A very exciting project .Thanks be to God.Amen


Well put the camera batteries to recharge and started Dysoning the flat and then moving furniture
More rubbish to throw away. But now my bedding is refreshed and a side table sits in the newly cleaned bedroom whilst .a new space exists in the lounge and my son's guitar satnd built in school is now deployed and has pride of place .It is now eleven didn't eat till 10 .Progress.


Bathwater on and hopefully me in soon
these are late for morning pages but honour satisfied


I pray for my friends all seem to have the blues at present must be vitamin d deficient
in the sad sunlessness.

Found my ealrier nore on andrew matthews being happy
i am grateful to God for this book and for the artist way by julia cameron
for the stone soup parable and for jesus christs transforming y heart into a sponge for that is truly lovely amen


Lord my prayers are for tomorrows art lesson that i will be a blessing as i teach fashion/figure drawing and watercolour and that should one of my friends have the blues that i will be able to add a little vitamin happy d in
cha bar


discipleship is life coaching
life coaching is Samaritan holy spirit inspired discipleship- pray ask my Lord for verification
incognito Christianity ?
Thoughts are more questionings than answers.

Tired and need a bath dusty from Dyson and farm maping

atmospheric wonderfulness

there is a genuine joy
in making things
make a picture make music make merry make loveliness

Make as you have been made


creative ness

a lovely mess
a kitchen with all of it bowls whisks pot pans peelings sprinkling stirrrings

make a cake

oh just shared the vavavoom of childlike creativity
with my friend john

am eating new cerals i like the cold milk the plastic bowl the box chocolate shreddies
the flavours spoon action of pourinf slurping everything about a small bowl of cool crisp flavoursomeness is like the childrens book flavours on my eye

the book i shared is a thames and hudson childrens book and it is a delightful work of artful playfulness

illustrators are professional children and are in many ways better at playing than the children they inspire


like on of these is a treasure in my heart kindly brian who knew how to make the sound desk work by sharing aspects of its toufulness that let the music out in just the right places for our other friend to share the playground of gods music into the evetide childrens minds reassuring them of friendliness and wonderfulness

oh the children's book is called operatioon alphabet and the cereals are called kellogs mini max i would commend the harmony of both experiences eating these cereals and gazine reading enjoying the smell feel of the book box and discovering the flavours on the eye and the tactile nature of unfolding pouring tastin sharing amen to simplicity and thanks be to god.

massive changes

an ocean of hopefulness
is flooding its way through my soul
about to be sixty
found i had missed a friend's party
woke to the sound of the phone battery needing recharging
got up about an hour ago
to write a letter to blair and dawn on an elephant never forgets postcard parodoxically i had

i had managed to finish my barcelona painting at last started it way back in sept i think

also managed to get to grips with nine basic jive moves

i have two big jobs one is map the other a costing for a chester church mural

any way i couldn't sleep
my mind's eye was getting such pleasure form the graphic text of the word jesus
i saw the three curves of the jss as potentially a tandem for two
and got up thinking i will do my morning pages and clearly they are
whilst on the image computer i gathered some bits
after writing jesus

another thing that occurred to me started me moving thing so
a piece of furniture can go from lounge to bedroom
in readiness for the piano
i want to keep the recently gined space in the lounge even though it means throwing especially as it means throwing more stuff out
in this case a small unused cupboard
i am thinking too that it will be nice to bring the guitar stand robert designed in school into here to enjoy amen

here are some of the gleaning from the other computer

 So then this is fun it is ten past three in the morning i have a slight cold and i am enjoying looking at these drawing especially the one of the girl my friend and once my lover and hoped for bride she is sleeping oh i am so grateful to god for all the wonder of simply being alive and contemplating gifts hopes dreams persistence and a healthier attitude i regret missing the party it would have enabled me to get to know more people to regret to know some new people i have met a little better and encouraged me in my sociability intentional goal a spoke on my wheel a budding branch in my tree of life

i am so glad that sociability is a real word i thought i had made it up but spell check says no
the above is another thing i thought i had made up too i.e. the sap of joy as a fruit of the spirit maybe it should be called the fruit juice of joy


so then interior design and graphic design and coaching are gifts i am redeploying and dance is me stepping out on the water my re commitment to the piano and the writing course is being fueled by my employer God

Julia Cameron has it right she says God as my source is a simple but completely effective plan for living
it removes negative dependency-and anxiety-from our lives by assuring us that God will provide.Our job is to listen for how.


So then i am caught up in a river of change i am using books that are travelling to and from shelves floor sofa and back i am able to return a book to babs on barcelona having finished the painting and have received back from her the little women book i found when i saw it in my mind the wonder earl thollander book i wonder if any of his pictures are out there for me to google back in a  moment

nicemmmmmmmmmmmmmmm:

I must do Liverpool this way with sponge stencils and barbecue skewer n ink
oh to write songs on the piano play bass in a band and jive and paint pictures of people jiving especailly in the wonderful venue in liverpool near anfield football ground oh the adventure of being 60 and full of dreams

I pray lord that i see one hundred productively with childrens books time withmy grandchildren and encouragein younger and older friends young at heart forever dylan

two hands

ambidextrous thoughts assocaited with little red vintage window
we decide to feminise the image more so a man pouring wine was relaced by cu n paste rosei noteworthy playing a violin
then in way back form this double framed double image on bathroom wall thinking i sawa pink highlight pen i looked and fourn some coloured bals like a postcard balancing act image by ronal searle thes ball mafde me think of simon jigggling int he altar juggling for a moment and when we can then we seem to stop but do we return violin and bow
bottle and glass
 juggling balls one in air
piano practice comeing up sonn
weaving two thread interlacing can i do two things at once i have two hands and yes i can drive which is gesltat of parts in concert so yes

back to morning pages via week 5 check in and yet here beside me first if daily bread


just dessert nahum

worship the lord who balances justice and mercy

the world is the lord's and the earth should quake







from the golden years entry of the word for today
keep your torch burning and pass it on to the next runner before you go
Lord i pray something good will come from these morning pages and the gifts yet to discover course simon is helping me with amen

PRAISE GOD FOR POTENTIALITY
for getting me up early
motivating to
me to wash the dishes and think of cleaning soon the kitchen floor and staircase
for the new initiative to sustain and continue to learn to dance
and for the Dyson in readiness
oh the wind is howling outside and i did not go for a walk the rain
just dashed a wave on the window and the warm space and newly
 washed dishes and cooker surface
the sound of car tires through water
the warm laptop and awaiting keyboard and two hand c major
with melody finger via simon using the one big two hand chord

artist way 5
go to dee earlier as going to leave to dance so only a few minutes on piano but good minutes with meaning and hope n joy and visualizing me playing joyfully in a composers stream of thought

The virtue trap
a virtue out of deprivation
faux spirituality
the creative God made child in us
no longer trusts us
 our dutiful piety has
lost us ou soul

suffer little children to come to me
like on of these be

Ten thing i love to do
1.go drawing seeing being writing
2.reading childrens books and all books
.3 listening to a new album and reading the lyrics
4.swimming in a warm pool
5.life drawing/making things paper clay prottery theatre sets
6 writing a set of songs and playing them learning them owning them sharing them
7.learning to dance
8. holiday/flowers
9 girl friend
10 a new home?

a wish list with big goal dreams

1. a home abroad sunny
coastal big canvses abstract yet
wandering big ink drawings

2.acting in a rom com

3.double bass playing and violin like chagall and stefan grapelli and yehudi

4 big white grand piano


5.beautiufl girl friend or beautiful to my soul

6.Books of drawings journal my own publishing company


7secular out there creative christianity with music dance and drawing

8 Travel journals but with intimate getting in the place village caring minded writing faces of young and old real Paris Assisi perhaps Rome Naples oh just somewhere wonderful and full of God's plant people terrain handiwork  Zen of seeing meet back roads of california ...where is that book?Earl Thollander  found it

9 a garden with wonderful trees and grasses and the girl and i that God has made free and loved and in a warm breeze of God's breath amen

10.St Ives home with deeper awareness still of bernard leach oh and various kilns and spaces

11.to have music live music gifted and endouraged players and wine and eating outside and my family at play writing theri songs pleasing my heart with gods love and me a writer who lisetens and paints it all with wonderfuilled words of pleasure shared amen

12 no a lottery win but stream of provision flowing through and beyond into around away and to joyfull goodness healing for all amen

13.for all those that i care for john layton norma everyone stev whitby phil everyone to turn up for my 60th birthday and for me toplay bass guitar with bobby too amen oh






I think the morning pages promote honest to god out there in there elswehere hopewhereness amen


five adventures if i were twenty and had money