Tuesday, 31 January 2012

tuesday morning and it is the 31st january

today will top up phone ans see blaire at 2 and then tani a 3.30 and i will do the revision toni buzan style on the
paper with high lighters and tomorrow i will do the assignment 8 tonight i am hoping to see a film with barbara
yesterday was fantastic even martin byrne on facebook put up what a great monday it was what an affirmative world enjoyed brian clarke being at mike's last night it was about the neediness of the man at the spring and about jesus tell him not to sin again or it will all go much worse being proactively encouraging and none judgemental seem to be the repeated message not sure my agreeing with people and then putting a spin on what they say counts but the spin is positive reconcialtory and so i hope it helps rather than hinders i liked how things seem to be making sense for me persoanlly and i know that seems selfish but i am encouraged by nelson madella be powerful and by pauls letter saying do something so the something i do is core values goals with constitent then adjustment to lifes wehhel by keeping goals consistant with values then micromovement s of sustained hope as options become actions and grow into a god given intentionality from the seed at my own core.

i will be meeting with frinds this morning but i became content in distratcing myself to two gelaings from face book the one was robs oh well by fleetwood mac the other a film animations of books that fly and illustrate the morning pages breath of life through writing and the life of a book being repaired by reading it ultiamtely about fulfilment of purpose the third entry was steely dan 's do it again perhaps ken izle will be at char bar and then perhaps ed gilchrist will be too

'sustaining'  doing it again and doing new things are the ruminations of this mind doing its morning pagesfroma a body that is getting excerise is being blessed by God's provision and does stand amazed and in awe of mostly everything i beleive in nothing but God  this enigmatic truth is accompanied by the rather starnge assertion that came for me from sometwhere sure i read it and beleieved what jesus di the miracles he did as a man with a flesh heart core values are then not ethereal spiritual howver everything is God breathed so in this body of reconciled opposites and seeming paradox abundance and less is more coexist as realities because that is the way God chooses them to not only appear but to actaually unpunctuated be
i will get dressed soon as i enjoy noticing a strength of conviction in a weedy fireld of awareness of my vulnerability i am not god but am eveidence of the presence of thie love that sustains maintains embraces ecourages and brought me and is bring ing me and yo about when the lady said she wasn't for turnign she was actaully saying i won't repent and i refuse to be a dancing partner 'oh well' indeed don't ask him what he thinks of you he might not give the answer that you want him to ddddddaaadaa diiddiidididiee doodoo da da da   da oh well.........................................................back jack do it again

oh last night too i printed my little nude hearts onto flower paper and set them for strength into a better bodied watercolour paper i prepared and tided the kitchen and the flat is taking on a spring clean feel like simons world
the etchings are for valentines day and what is interesting is i used to watercolour them and put a thin gold edge in them less is more but heh just letting the temptation tio put that gold edge back in must think on that one i have only printed 9

Monday, 30 January 2012


less is more
enjoyed walk and chat with simon
we are looking at my design for coaching creativity
and at his joyful way in to the piano
we are both letting go of loads of unwanted stuff and
discovering gems
had great walk with Barney dog

time now for me to visualize myself writing and
the view from the character of izzy in her book as a detective so i am stepping into 3 new lives
and am also stepping in to
piano player
and dancer

am now going to tidy kitchen to be
printmaker of my old heart etchings

then become bather
to jan gabarek

Sunday, 29 January 2012

needing encouragement

Now there's a word I haven't used in a while
not its not because i am so sure of myself that
i do not feel i have needs
last night my mind allowed me to admit for
 the third time this week end that
i am out of my comfort zone

why am i there or rather 'here' when there?

fear( I  blurt negatively)

sounding in this moment of self expression and prayer if i am more honest
less holy and more humbled truly

last night i felt
where have all the helpers gone
why aren't my synapses connecting with my heart
where is the courage i have been hoping to impart to others

the keep going of the get up and go
the give it welly of the lion

but then the lion in me is a soft sculpture not the arrogant
endorphine libido calm charming debonaire charmer i probably wish it was

aaaaaaah' i can't dance?'

my memory is brand new i never did thsi before
like finding the piano keys with my fingers
but i won't give up
should i give up
where is God

oh i feel for my daughter
i am scared

oh well

need to turn this around and affirm a hope in me
endorphine libido calm charming debonaire 
i will be him i long to be loved and need to nuture this hope of freeedom to trustworthy kindly patient Rome wasn't build in a day mustard seed cinderalla ugly duckling needs to start somewhere I know this frog just needs the prince of peace
to find nme a princess 
and my life gets tranformed as i still trust in prayer God will come through
so okay all the dancers know what they are doing and i cannot draw the dance the dancers and all the moves like chessboard pieces in my head nor all the arabesques and carnival of transient but apparently substancive joy

but i am out here attending a Roman Catholic collection of kindly folk
in Hope 
with so many enigmatic gestures from God taking me showing me including me 
what have you in mind for me Lord?
you take me to where my thoughts and words cannot be heard and to where the scribbling hand cannot defend me

out on a limb that has no fruit as yet upon it
where i get caught in the headlights of a slow and 
clogged mind

o but i will come through this must come through this

others will see just how far they have come when i cannot do what they do

 arole i would rather not play for too long help me to get up and become motivated

like with the walking 
automatic pilot

i came home and i cooked two meals 

i blamed an unfed head
creative is what julia cameron is saying
will result for these morning pages 
well then they must as she implies and i admit to willingly be a prayer

as i lay early morning warm and holding the folds of the bedding safe and alone
and not frightened and nuturing the poor me and the hope filled kindly not going to be unkind to myself me

kept focussing on not giving in to what?

admitting i have failed
i have not
i am only beginning i need to sit back take in and absorb
it is not my time
yet in the fallowness there is expectancy
the weather will grow wamrer my body will grow fitter the seed that i am will unfold as it takes a little in at a time and relaxes into it
Sandra still rememebers that monday last i was so relaxed i sang
the three dance sessions have all been in one week

and look
so much in one week
new shoes nice cushion a week end off
enjoyment of rob's facebook page him with izzy and me with amy 
he has the mural and i have the mural 
steve in his christmas card said connected well amen  to that

i will have set backs 
but i am making progress 
i have left the bunker the flat is gettin tidier and better book and assets are emerging
the lovely little drawing of birds sent my claske has emerged oh

i have so much to be grateful for
i am not suddenly fat because i gave myself a little food
Joni Mitchell wrote a song

the minus is loveless she talks to the land the leaves talk and the pond over ices she don't know the season no she don't undertand she got all the wrong fuses and splices

she is talking about when the synapses don't snap into place too me feels aaaaaaaaaah!

so then

new chapter

new book 

frh endeavour 

not giving up!

I have seen two inspiring images
one was a man exchanging hats with his dancing partner like a gaucho(steely dan)
As I understand it, a "Gaucho" is a South American (Argentine) cowboy.

another a man was jiving two ladies at the same time

looked fab wow! 
i want some lord God 
oh and i want you to like me enough and to love mewith that much joy Amen

Gaucho is the seventh studio album by the American Jazz rock band Steely Dan, released in 1980. The sessions for Gaucho represented the peak of Steely Dan's recording studio perfectionism and obsessive recording techniques.[1][2] To record the album, the band used at least 42 different musicians, spent over a year in the studio, and far exceeded the original monetary advance given to the band by their record label.[3]
During the two-year span in which the album was recorded, the band was plagued by a number of creative, personal and professional problems.[4] MCAWarner Bros. and Steely Dan had a three-way legal battle over the rights to release the album. After the record was released, jazz musician Keith Jarrett successfully sued the band for writing credit on the song "Gaucho".
Gaucho marked a significant stylistic change for Steely Dan, introducing a more minimal, groove- and atmosphere-based format. The harmonically complex chord changes that were a distinctive mark of earlier Steely Dan songs are less prominent on Gaucho, with the record's songs tending to revolve around a certain rhythm or mood. Gaucho proved to be Steely Dan's final studio album before a 12-year hiatus.

flying books

I designed a library in memory of Chris Salmon
and my friend John Hutchinson photographed it
I notice that there is a poetry competition in his name
and a web site with the library walls on

today i saw this beautiful film so beautiful so inspiring
 so divine like an answered prayer

The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore from Moonbot Studios on Vimeo.

ask me i won't say no how could i ?

been for prayer for the
and the piano playing

Holy Spirit encourage me to bring cheer and joy Amen

went for a walk before church and two things
less is more emerged from the abundant hedgerow and landscape
someone had balanced a round red stone on the slanted grey sea barrier
a single very black smooth blackbird with bright orange/yellow beak was amongst a busy stick hedgerow

when i got back from church i spread the floor with books and things
this deliberate mess
contains clues and relationships of who i seek to be
Maurice sendak has produced three book forming a loose triptych through the years
the first was where the wild things are
the next was
in the night kitchen and the third
outside over there
so then a sort of biography of transformation clues
the third being a little like midsummernights dream a play within a play within a play

something my son was aware of so he sent me the third sponataneously via amazon

change the way you see things is a coaching book
par excellence as it points to asset based thinking 
what has God given you that you are not using
and what gifts lie undiscovered?

Ron Hilditch pointed out the existence of the Victory over lifes challenges
and it too is a coaching book on gifts and forgiveness
the little giraffes are a snoozy hat from when my friends
Julie and Erik Bengston employed me to design Swedish childrens clothing patterns
Moon Jumpers by sendak is a book written in haikus 
the ukeleli is colour coded like my bass and guitars
james rae gave me this lovely highlighter set
which is with sara Middhas french sketchbook
I long to continue to design as she does for businesses i like
botttom right a wonderful printmaker who makes family images is
Anita Klein

Annora Spence also makes wonderful playful prints and sculptures
about gentle colours and bold shapes and narrative compositions
I am going to be 60 soon
and long to play by making cloth sculptures of bold joyful forms
hjere is the lion cushion i bought and of course tove's moomin and a pig doorstop that was getting damaged so now sits high on t.v.

two project goals ar4e imminent
making a mind map of my writing course 
and teaching my lass of 4 the watercolour custard lesson

enough for now

John has passed me back the highlit notes on andrew matthews being happy
with these highlighter pens.

going to read a little and play some piano and tidy floor collage and have a cup of chai with soya milk

imaginary lives and things i love to do

i must shre the wheel of life i drew out as i revise to offer the life coaching and the core values and the order i have selected
as i look at the list of tasks for this second week of the artist way course
i see the suggestion /instruction
draw a circle
divide it into six pieces of pie
label them

 place a dot in the each slice
 representing level of fulfilment towards the outer rim to indicate great
near the centre if not so great
connect the dots
as we work of life coaching towards a balance
we turn this starry tarantula into a mandala

work at pulling these dot towards the rim where they are impoverished

i am seeing the wheel of life has more spokes
marriage/ partnership
personal development

twelve as opposed to six

'the slightest attention to our impoverished areas can nurture them'---and refresh us

exercise                         health
spirituality                   spiritual
play                               leisure/recreation
work                             financial/career/tangibles
adventure/romance         personal development
friends                            social/family/home/marriage or partnership

these do not equate so well
these two lists
two lists that do are I Corinthians 13 love is 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

and Galatians 5.22 fruit of the spriit

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 

So task 8 is to list ten changes
I would like......complete assignment 8
i would like......use the bluecoat etching press/share creative spaces with others

I would like......play bass in a public place with a good friend
i would like......write a set of songs and relearn those i wrote

I would like......make a series of dancers out of paper in the manner of picasso.matisse
i would like......to learn all the beginners jive moves

I would like......do grade one piano and develop improvisational play
i would like......swim in the sea

I would like......write from a seaside hotel room/submit well written/illustrated work for publication
i would like......live in a simplified ordered way/cook for freinds

these are to nudge the door of our openess and prayers to let a creative loving father in.

Society for it wrong there are six primary colours 
needed to make claen clear green violet and orange

yet brian was right less is more
the pentatonic scale is the cheer of blues music
bright colours flattened thirds and fifths 
chosen stepping stones in the river of music

humour and joy and inituitive heart leaps in the seeming paradox
of simplicity and grace witihin this diversity of choosings

'reconciliation of opposites' =creativity use both the more formal life coaching spokes and the 
artists way cake

God is in the whisper of washing the dishes
as well as in the estuary view from my morning walk

So to walk now .Amen

Saturday, 28 January 2012

keep finding wonders

sieving for the precious
assembling the marvellous clues to related joys
letting go of the once so important gratefully

so then tidying is a blessed act of joy
i will return to it later
first a bath then post drawing to father jimmy
then get money for dancing and take
book back to library then 45 minute walk then probably time for dancing
any spare time will be for piano practice
printing heart etchings on monday
also inspired to make foil heart containers to make heart egg custards

the tidying gave me these gifts
i spotted a piece of paper from sark journal
it made me go find the star with the chosen words in

these are how i would like to be described

this birthday card from Claske 2008
is a drawing by Frederick my friend Amen

the lvely ducks and wrapping paper i think both from Claske too

Simplify is the book God graced me to pick up from the floor of books last night
it is the seed that brought this flower of tidying today
its sister purchase is also going to be read this time as a committed goal relating to my creativity life coaching
Tony Buzan links to the startegy of mind mapping i am employing for the revision of the children's writing course
i am making a goal of spontaneously writing a mystery for assignment 8 and quitting procrastination.

My holdiday in Barcelona with Amy relates to this second mystery novel
i am now able to make this my main proper read having completed one of Roberts books
an a young sherlock

time for my bath. 
Oh whilst all this has been going on my new friend in Christ Sandra has responded encouragingly enthusiastically to my dance emails and Sooz my future daughter in law has promised me robs birthday wish list so
i will soon be shopping for bobby's birthday
dancing again this afternoon and tomorrow
i have started putting things on my year planner woopy doo!


Current relevence

personal significance
associative value
related to my current stream of thought
why were the books all over the floor to begin with?
to remind me
stimulate me
be used
to act as a friendly feeling-full nest

last night from amongst them
i found one and it spoke
it would not have spoken so loudly
it had not resonated with some of the thought that commenced this blog
visa vis
i want to tidy up a bit
well completely really
that is not realistic
identity is not in what i carrry
but out with the flow and the in and out flowing ness
being served and in serving
and if sounds unattractive then
sex it up a bit!

morning pages out pouring of all that fed the well of hopefulness
a friendly lion cushion
a silk union jack cushion
the crowne plaza with its vst shapes and its proximity to my old job
and place of safety
and courtship liver and atlantic hotel
retail therapy shoping for my child's dreams in
 God's rich out there bring in here to enjoy nest
artists dat going out to find
whilst carrying note book net book pen and materials
my isobel poppyness detecting the voice of God
in the gifts so far received in the
hope and belief of gifts yet to discover

i might yet ski dance deep sea dive k yak

the book i bought and only browsed is about simplifying my life
i bought it significantly with another
about procrastination i must find this other one one too
they are both books for a life coach which i now choose to study and practice and perform
just as i teach play and perform on instruments

I will come back to these morning pages

just list the scribble sketch of the day

post letter to jiimmy collins
return browsed book
man with a blue scarf
about Lucian Freud by
Martin Gayford
first put bathwater on
continue to tidy floor surfaces dust
get feather duster
and vacuum
and play piano in various styles
oh and jimmy don't forget to get money for dancing and to put on nice new dancing shoes
i have a shoe horn maybe i put them on just fo dancing

i needed some ordinary shoes
i will polish them sometimes

jusy now they are new

Friday, 27 January 2012

Canon Jimmy Collins is 94 today

I was privileged as a Cursillo member
to be invited to attend father Jimmy's
Confermant as a Doctor of Divinity
by Liverpool Hope University
i took with me a print from a drawing
 made when I watched him teaching at
St Ignatius of Loyola Hall

I was deeply moved then by him and
deeply moved today to be amongst
those who love and are loved by him.

Thank you and I thank God for you
Jim the doctor
 Jim the artist

Thank you Veronica blessings from Jim Fleming Amen

let your joy

let your innocence
let your  creative hope
go out there somewhere
i blogged and kept my artist's date on paper on foot on train on

engaging in mutual misery is never be part of each gig
no compassion and love and yes sharing the joy

a comfy cushion of gentle courage
a pair of dancing shoes
weight to build my upper body strength

food for thought
 and thought itself

go get em tiger amen