Monday, 30 April 2012

we are soldiers of goodness

with aspirations of holiness
ever onward to do the right things
seeking for holiness
gentle in kindliness
stretching our ideas and dreams
choosing life and
trusting in God
we've a faith and a prayer
and it is real
we know not seems
delivered from foolishness
courteous and kindly
speaking truth and finding joy
we are remembering the good that has been
we are plating some more and we'll water it
we'll with sleep and with effort and more
ever onward and upward and weeding
our patches of ground we'll sieve for stones
to big to grow past and we'll build us a well
and we'll reach into the word of our lord
we'll have prayer in our hearts we'll have
hope in our souls and the time will bring
harvest of kings

so then what were my goals and then
what are they now and today what plans
shall i place in the soil
Lord yesterday in church i felt true to you with seeking of skills
to do with the sound that had a feedback loop i the
evening that was not there in the morning

yet i had been on in the morning and paul took over in the evening oh well brian and colin also tried to shape the desk so the team find obstacle would that steve were with us more as he seems to get it better than we must be a page we have not turned yet

mrning pages grow model persitence and heroes what qualities did the two arthurs have well they wanted to be good of heart for their families and arthur muraski wanted to encourage and nurture and enable he worked well as a technician of caring solving and seeking ways to help and technical routines he had
worked on plans and designed grottoes for littlewoods and fro little children like me who wanted to beleive in santa and arthur gee had loved quality watercolour i know that mr muraski's dad had taken him to portobello raod i think arthur m would have liked the antiques road showoh how i would have loved to introduce them both to izzy pop

town liverpool i want to go regularly to museums and to the shapes of the buildings i wish i had asked about george's evening out in town watchin rhod gilbert

what quality does tom have in heaven a smile and a friendly word an understanding manner and like the arts kind to hos jean and shall i today then pt the bathwatr on and persist in some of my endeavours i must find daytinm time on the piano as God is liberating me to do so there is time

lord may the money come in and may i take the cards and film to brookdale primary school

everything about me is a prayer a hope and a dream of bigger vision and prayer i loved that david hockney was giving so much of his money away and that the current of currency was flowing through that his gift is blessed and continues to cause him joy shal i have a walk today it takes 1 hour and 55 minutes to get to heswall mmmm what is the time now?twenty to 8 and i want to have a bath so what i think i will do is have a batha dn some porridge and go check out the bus time as i have to leave after 9.30 for my pass to be valid and then what i hope for is to watch this evening the programme on the giants not to be called puppets who have an eccentric mind behind them and one who is cool i rather suspect and believe that thes are the way theatre must go as they allow a greater audience and a fantastic ministry of village lilliputians dressed accordingly i love the stone soup of so many volunteers and i seek your advice on heswall arts festival and upon my own income and upon how to proceed i need to express my heart's desire at dee to be blue moon apparently the manchester united theme tune all interesting i enjoyed gryf rhys jones work on wind in the willows and also the lolliams roald dalh programme last weeek

so the want to read draw and walk bath and travel by bus sustain the life coaching ideas the wheel of life balance and the growth in new skills and talent i loved brian's with these hands last night version of the sermon and the idea i shared in the morning

would you please stand and  raise a hand
 if you believe prayers are answered and raise the other hand
 if your believe these prayers are answered 
and stay standing and close your eyes 
as i read the opening was like this lets see if i can find it again

Father be with your children
Holy Spirit translate all of our yearning
Jesus show us the way

Help us to feel know believe the Godincidentalness
of all we experience-our breathing heart beating core 
that is your love changing us from despair and futility to
hopefulness and kindliness and action

Saturday, 28 April 2012

pour out your power and love

holy holy holy

so then bath water at the ready and i have written the insurance cheque
yesterday my artists date was very special as i sat on the bombed out church steps
just thought an empty yet cared for church and bombed out but currency fluid church
a place of memory and balloons as prayers and holy holy holy holy

oh well then checking in after a week of morning pages recovery and challenges and two artist dates
i am proud of my sustained walking and my determination to pay my bills and to be an artist though it is challenging costly and means i must live startegically risking frugality yet noticing all that i have to be grateful for i have run a bath i have had vitamin c and i have oranges and toblerone to get me through to luchtime
and i really like what came out from my relatively unplanned drawing time in liverpool yes it was nice to tease and tempt myself with books but hen i do not have money i do not spend it yet i feed my eyes and my heart on hopefulness and upon artist's dates encouragement the word of god the companionship of freinds i share with george and other my walking and whatever i have to share it is soozies birthday and i would like to send her something now let me see

i have just spotted a book about beatrix potter i will send that

okay done need bath morning pages will be written in  dee today onpaper as art

Friday, 27 April 2012

First things first

went for my walk with George  and as i am off today i had an adea
whislt listening to a tribute to Leonard Cohen and hearing Nick Cave singing Suzanne
i liked the reverie of 'tea and oranges that come all the way from China'
and George said isn't that lovely repeating the line and the wonder of it -said he did not know why and neither did i but i agreed our word for the morning was'empathy' in relation to why some people we miss 'shared empathy' was george's kindly and accurate wisdom I felt

so my goals for today following the tea and oranges

a. play and try to accomplish inroads to boogie woogie as shown to me by jimmy rae and then to go into town and go to bold street and buy some oranges and make a flask of tea and drink it in memory of arthur with whom i sat once and watched the girls go by one warm summer eve whilst waiting to go i think to george drought's  etching class but i will sit on st nocholas the bombed out church that we included in ken izli's jimmy rae mersy moon mural and it is also where i met with marko jean and tom and through the ministers mike sang my song about emmanuel as ballons signed by big isues sellers for their friend who had died of poverty on the street wentinto the air through the none exisatant church roof true stone soup moment

so on my desk here i have jimmy rae's pin 'stick your rotten job'
i am an artist and i should die one not as a slave to an unwanted job someone made me obedient to amen

Lord you know my current circumsatnces and i can do nothing without your blessing i ask that you will pull all my strings and unify my heart's desire with yours that my spalshing scribbling writing an goals aline with your puroose for me amen i would like to see peterchan again and i pray that my poem flask drinking and prayers will be your words of the one heart of joy pouring through me amen

first i will go to the piano to play boogie woogie then i will make the flask of t and then bold street the end of the day needs to be music for mathew tomorrow lunch time please inspire my present poverty as i feel i am once more 'out of the boat' amen

Thursday, 26 April 2012

Morning pages is brought to me toady by dee FinE arts

okay then i HAVE WALKED HERE AND AS I WAS AT THE BUSTOP too early by 45 minutes it took me an hour and55 mins to walk here instead still good fo the physique

the 77 bus seems to call at the end of my road at 9.43 a good time to get me to dee for a similar time as i have been arriving i am thinking only use the car sparingly thus saving petrol money of course when a guitar lesson is involved that buys petrol so a great idea s it provides more that the £20 petrol

i am waiting for the money from brookdale to go in and think it will take a couple of days i must withdraw cash and place in the bank from which i will be paying the insurance and road tax when it does oh well the ordinary account will be going into the red. i am waiting for a call from the garage so ican go and pay for mot and then get my road fund license straight away on the phone.

i am inspired by  theimage of the girl in the green dress the giant that visited liverpool there will be a programme about it next week and i feel the letter and the acrobatic puppet-eering is wonderful inspiring a real stone soup adventure..funny to discover there is no entry for puppeteering  i will try puppetry  yes but i do not feel it communicates the panache i intend so just noticed norma is on line but as the batterry might die i had best continue with my blogging whilst i can

yesterday i took the car for its mot and then walked here to dee fine arts where encouraged by margi i started to think of giant girl in the manner of my past cartoons of lambaanana
what i feel i need is to do lots of images of liverpool  then import  giant girl and xolo the dog and the maritime uncle into it i was delights by her scooter and goggle that children can swing on her arm and that there is a boat on a float with jets of water that make it look like it is in the sea yet travelling along ht raod it sort of is

margi just said these will be afternoon pages soon

anyway yesterday i did a doodle based ongiant girl and today with som pritnout i hope to do some developing of thes ideas i am happy that i wrote a poem yesterday

i jsut phoned brrok dale and the money will go in an a few days lord please bring me some resources so i can comforatably buy mysefl some food amn

on the way here i satrted to lookat jimmy rae's boogie woogie in my mind and also ned keely's c maj a min and c pentatonic scales all related to each other still wanting to write on the piano thought of translating emmanuel song for piano and want to put all that simon showed me into practice a girl wanted me to accompany her on guitar i have referred her to jimmy rae and he has asked if i ready for boogie woogie lesson 2 whcih i look forward to so i hope that i will indeed assimilate the first lesson and get back to him simon phoned yesterday and spoke of harmonica an jimmy adna garden event of some kind i need to get back to him

i spent a litttle time on when was it oh i don't knwo monday i think in the prayer shed and and wrote letters to snoozy and steve and i hope i will send both encouraging letters soon  i am gald i went to liverpool and saw the larg puppet and hope to develop my uses of the77 bus and the free things like drawing i can do on very little money i think i have another paid lesson with my moore family making figures and i also think jane is having a £25 hour lesson on wednesday on the guitar i will start to move towars practicing praise song and have a smll store of annes praise booklets so i may be able to lead at some future poitn a step towards children book author and i have ameeting on tuesday with st bridgets and as with a chat with margi yesterday i am seeking to prodcuce a none competitive idea based on stone soup i am anti competition and do nto want to create a situation where people can become losers at all amen

i am glad to have achieved three things
use of bus
uses of wifi here in dee
use legs to get me here
use of camera and free rail card to create giant girl film
enjoyed serendity of god incidental appearance of my painting in alderhey childrens hospital
spotted by morma and amy that has a click from rob that says like
and that amy has cut and paste my oil painting as her profile page
i have used the upload to show the value i put on a small sincere affectioante oil that of £400

i needs must state the price of things or perhaps start to think how to live on nothing at all using rail card and fruit n veg and tap water walking and making amen

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

hope on the horizon past strategies and contemporary seedlings watered

oh this little notebook i must take you you with me and sieve you for Izzy Pop dreams
momentarily rich at Christmas i could not help but be overjoyed as safety had collected
me up and given me a home

i have at times caught my vanity and sort to hide the mirror from my eyes only to try to find it smile kindly into it
and polish it again to beleive i am alright that God does know.That expresssion God only knows is able like so many other reall mountain hadn/foothold pins in the map of potential progress able to slip from the tongue and lose the grip of hope they contain God only knows-you must Lord for without this somebody this energy of you being there like the air I breathe and the flow of words to then through me I am yours or i can never have a truly meaningful'mine'.The two Arthurs are not dead certainly not in my head though i cannot blog phone write or talk be with them anew for another chat dialogue sharing of scribbled menu ingredients doodle sketched idea of something we can make together .Arthur Muraski and I made a table of twelve sleepers he made the moulds with John Freeman's assistance.John Freeman said I must render unto Caesar those things which are Caesar's
i returned the dental or sculptural tools and he secured the small set of pigs which i no longer have i have given away or sold them

pride i now recall and want to share so am i still talking to my Lord let it be a prayer of thankfulness i once sata at parkgate with a dream of writing in greater emotional depth the lives of the ordinary made extraordinary people of parkgate i wanted them to take on the flesh of kindness of people like arthur arthur and others

i have drawn  a vintage ford model t rolled out at the bleak house of the architect of the liver buildings
and i have drawn a large girl puppet in front of the liver buildings and the large pig i sold at an exhibition at the williamson went to a friend of adrian henri's and he himself bought me a pint at birmingham when arthur gee and i enjoyed ambling together two artist taking part in a significant gallery with our souls full of youth and suitable impudence of freshness and attitude oh i miss the pottery and the ething studio of arther and of arhtu people who wanted to be there to see what was possible amen

who do i write to if not to them care of my our loving father yet God though you are immense and beyond me yet must i seek your embrace oh lord the grand designs are all hollow without the family and attention of one who cares to narrate and share the features of our wonderous 'humanity' our smallness is where our share in your divinity feels its blessing all the songs melodies of love and intimacy that our hearts break at when we find ourselves and others blind to the moment of connection recollection hope sharing and caring in our mutual being amen

did i say write did i do right as i write are my thoughts blessed into usefulness that the least of one of these and i might myself take hop/pride joy in? I hope pyar beleive in the possibility of them being artful being yours Khalil Ghibran wrote lovely and i courted antonia remedios with the book my first date at a restaurant with any girl my first grown up moment and her mum liked that she had been made happy and i felt what it was to pleae agirl and have made a prayer of it for these last is it 40 years since I was twenty and prayerful the 'tapere who carried a candle into the altar of st oswalds church where i felt safe like when in my loft for my father was caretaker of both building shis engineering like the two arthurs made me a knight of this triangle of arthurian rumour/legend as my dad was arthur in his middle name and i am hugh his brothers name

oh is my text prayer running thin as i sat yesterday in my poverty on george's bench with ken rememebering as i am remembering now yet what i am seeking to remember is me me when I phoned a friedn who came and collectedme connected with me and took me back to the garage and the me who once parted again from his noetworthy enjoyed a maisse card with pen and ink floers on it from the prayer that started with that first date oh that me that wrote and had published 6 of the 12 pages of parkgate oh well so they did not publish all i had gone far enough to share the publishing with my friends momentarily who had inveseted their own need for encouragement in jimmy fleming the not so proud really for they enjoyed my friendship and knew that i liked them as compassionate kindly and skilfull people like my dad i suppose and like my mum are the girls i courted for their homeliness their smiles flowers food and feminiity amen then this time i feel fearful yet hopeful and yes in christ but beyond shallow religiousness yet i will bow kneel ritual if God wants that form me yet lord you fill me with closer hope that i may be allowed to be more realistically frail yet more ardently enduring i pray for your strength i enjoyed a lot the encouragement to which i was the sound system of audibleness wanted colin to come to the conclusion that you will fill his net mine and ours with such fish such rivers of cleansing that is what the stream on brookdale wall was for the streeam of life amen of encouragement and of your joy in your creation your 3 d mountainscapes that please the boy and the girl that i kept and have enjoyed for momentray companionship yet the girl needs to be my wife and we need to know our father's blessing so please then provide the petrol the car the landscape the meal the ink and the paper for our scrapings scratchings at holiness refelcted inthe air blood words and swimmings through this fantastic being aliveness to it all fill your chrurches with song your valleys with food and with flowers and fill me again for i am only yours and lsot waiting to knwo whether i am going to make it through again this tiem please let the money come in please let the work go out and pleae please let the gifts to be discovered be discloed and declared enjoyed banked and inveted to rpoduce tose harvest like the litle exhibition in london of fredericks work oh how i wish i was closer to the everyone who surrounded dr franck amen

Monday, 23 April 2012

irreconcilableness hopefulness and the love of God

at present thoug endlessly it seems yet have been here am here but more so for it is now
martin tried reading some of this seeming brain mush and admitted it had him confused  'couldn't make sense of it' yes without punctuation this seems intuitionless and as i am not rereading it then of course i do not know whether it reads thoug i am writing it and it pours from me relatively sensibly no doubt in future a predictive text package amy punctuate but will it anticipate elucidate clarify or even offer truth within the stream and guide the silt to the bank that needs building up to create a sure line that i will no longer need to navigate for the beach will be one where i can come to rest with the chips on my shoulders have been rounded off

broken i run to you for your arms are open wide

so i wait for you

i am falling on my knees

jesus you're all this heart is living for

she has bought a church to be nearer to God

perhaps a girl i knowshe has

bought a grave yard to be nearer to the dead
and as her 'life; coach i must now resurrect her church her hope her saviour is neeeded in the church
her man has restored and maintains and cares for her building and is her beau and she wants love to be evident with him yet she is driving to be in her church womb or walk with her progeny in an even more distant landscape

i am wanting my car repaired a car i use only to get to the gallery a car i no longer use to go to wrexham in
there is a print room in liverpool that i can access more economically and i can rebelong to a group of liverpool arist should i once again run etching room printmaking group in liverpools bluecoat it does not yield a lot of much money and in truth it is no longer the desire of my heart to do what i once did  i have been praying to god for a new gift that includes money for music

and so i look for clues for godincidences and feel different from david and have pushed him away as he suggests the direction of paid employment a job can i get a job and what to do to secure this amen where to look and is it what i should be seeking or should i continue tomarket myself more more advertising guitar and mural and writing and piano somehow i must sustain my faith in being out of the boat on the romise of ask and it ill be given am i celibate for god or for the end of cruelty from rejecting metronome judgemental women yet i beleive man and woman are not seperate and from mars and venus but earthed in god's blessed mutual abundant gifting of life life that is not a small but a marvellous word amen

julia does do her morning pages unread by others and so i must somehow begin to use the manuscript version which does invite me out to cafe to librayr to liverpool to train out to be to fill the pond whilst also morning pages julias two strategies repaired into one act being in the street listenign as i respond

what a faithful god have i faithful in every way that is is the lyric behind me so then i will do a morning walk and make somesandwiched bravely walk to brookdale witha dvd i will make for them and check the santander account to see that their money has gone in amen yes that is a plan to do the two comencements to the paying of insurance and car expenses the currency of the present moment amen

the desire to exist be sustained and take part love

making a difference is one thing and an important aspriration
yet humility and awareness of the silence or the lapping of the goldfish motor
alongside the fan heater and the memory of friends and faith and song and the taking part
sustains my joy and memory of smiles and coffee of times with john and with george and with marko cathy and others at the urc today i am to take my car for its mot and i will take rucksack books mobile phone aah just go check time and whether charged

we all do of course have massive significance to our collective sometimes selective 'me' yet in truth it is only in our collective connective 'we'-ness that we get to be reflective or feel loved amen

Sunday, 22 April 2012

ritualistic ought to be like this-ness versus spontaneous accept what i am working withness

a whole culture of sick psychotherapists advance their impoverishing limitations on us
whilst religiously broken creative stuck persons fail to
express themselves hear their own voice let alone squeak it

looking for a a vantage point amongst the crowd i take my pen and notepad my camera and my camcorder against the flow of the crowd following or waiting for a large wooden doll 'giant' with gentle small friendliness
th shift of scale of large tenderness looking like a children's book character to wake yet whilst she sleeps
we hear her subliminal level wordings of smudged thought as this is amplified with her breathing the umperlumpers who make 'the machine ' girl operate are away n droves as they are not on their shift whcih is that of surgeons nurses anaesthetists and doctors who give her 'life'

a father frowns as the alarm clock ticks in the minds of the crowd that will wake up to her by pulling towards her held in part by obedience and group family altruism by a flimsy white n red plastic tape thier theatre trolly the umperlumpas is a crane on a trusck someone for eyelids someone for lungs for she breathes and this was left on auto when she rested in a deck chair

i saw the scafffold lilly the pink writer photographer and brotherr of liverpool paul and we are not far from his show near beatle museaum where people are gathering for elevated view of this particular lucy in the sky with diamond elanor rigby come to life manifestation daughter of eve and survor of the 100 year old titanic disaster  i wrote twice and had to tippex out with emulsion the year 1912 i kept putting 1902 on brookdale wall mural this week

tom i hope to see in church toady and to hear his close harmony barber shop singers in the altar of the urc i phoned marko and texted another friend as this may befarewell yet i prayed with john as i called for prayer on the lost camera i watched foyles war after john prayed about the joy of sharing the found that had been last i phoned him to tell him it was found

i am eating soda far toast two with jam two with egg salt n pepper

i have started a correspondence with another friend whoo feels broken who like lyself wants to go forward to repair to awaken the ezekial within each of us

i look through the little gothis shaped hole in the wall of my bedroom at the clock in the living room past a nun and nativity figures all ceramic except for one fallen plastic star that glows in the dark whne i notice

this morning i am starting to re read julia cameron's book and in the background fro the old apple mac comes what a faithful god have i amen

i will cotinue this blog in facebook as i wish to share the stroy of the camera and rejoice publicly or more so

Saturday, 21 April 2012

this is change for you

god has made me a warrior of drawing he has given me certain assets and wonderful gifts affirmations of my being and i must avoid draining wet blankets however unaware they are of them selves i must be very aware and press on there is a spirit in enid blyton that will feed the izzy pop idea and i can agian start to read the writing course notes and resume drawing lack of funds ahs made me not wish to spend on petrol and so i will use my train pass to take me to southport i am keen to upload something representing part of my effforts this week i slpet in thsi morning which reminds me of justy how hard i have worked this wee the kids saying do you work after we go the world of the little one is a shorter day that ends at three so perhaps that is a nice model to adopt be like one of these say Jesus
i have noticed that some things are out of synscronisation su has no recollection of these images of the shop sign

new fresh out there different affirmations hopeful begin accept remove obstacles gentle place away take risks and move on .

believe there seems to be a new format so i need to experiment by publishing to see how it works the morning pages  Now then although there has been a change in the way morning pages behaves and is laid out that is alright i am off today well forever if i like as i do not have an employer who provides me with wages but friend who seek to reciprocate momentary of sustained kindness and then only randomly as befits the gifting

i note that as i near the end of the morning pages book i must now loook again to others assets and this on i have my rail pass and my pleasure in drawing  i think i will continue my morning pages inside the facebook where rather than being relective i will choose to life coach myself

Thursday, 19 April 2012

hoping trusting believing sharing caring

woke up with thoughts about the new blue moon gallery wine
and david large's invitation to show him the label idea
thought i would take a romantic couple from my
 little red vintage image and ad or move the moon into place
or perhaps use the bottoms up image and add the moon
when doing the open university course years ago entitled art and environment
they suggested posting an idea when you went to bed and harvesting the mind's fruiting in the morning.

Apparently had not mentioned my idea to Sue so have caused some confusion
I have inadvertently added a funny little symbol don't know whether it will show up when i lad but I canot remove it it has four little triangles facing outwards.

I have just had a good day and have managed to complete the mural at what was my childrens school
i met the new vicar of st john the divine yesterday i met a rainforest stand up act who is self employed and works in schools an intersting man who may be about to pass me another mural for his churchschool in wales i=one where his daughtee goes and he says he can put me up in a converted barn i pray for this

any way his name was dave the vicar told me i.e. the one from st john the divine that it is 150 years old this year and he likes my portrait  of it..
So here is the row of Godincidental time periods St John the divine 150 yrs old                     1862-2012
                                                                                          Titanic 100 year 'centenary'        1912-2012
                                                                                       Brookdale 50 years old                 1962-2012
                                                                                        Jubilee Year 60                            1952-2012
                                                                                          Me 60
                                                                                       Julian 60
                                                                                      Gordon 60
                                                                                          Rob 30                                       1982-2012
                                                                                          Amy 25                                       1987-2012
                                                                                      Olympics year                                  2012

Lord God you see my fiends a and s and t and n and j and g and i ask for healing hope news of goodness
and i ask a special blessing to reverse the stroke in julian amen

Thank you for those who pray over me and again i go and get 2 corinthians 2 14
14 But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.amen

Lord i am seeking to reach deep within through the guide i believe that you have brought in the artists way i am poor of some means and must entrust myself to new behaviors.Help me to know what to do next amen.

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

i don't know

whether it is my own arrogance or deeply rooted steadfast faith
whether i have feet of clay or sap filled psalm one deeply reaching prayer in the earth of you
i do know that i have noticed myself being sharp when others seemed to sow doubt in my heart
setting goals i realise i have to be willing to be over ruled by you when i set a deadline for i need your life line
on the praise c.d playing at Alexanders suggestion and i am gladdened that she owns to you yet whilst she has not said not to mention her s another friend who puts or seems to put more faith in khalil than in Christ
yet even the former eve wants to veil herself or perhaps which i prefer take on a new identity in Christ whatever here i am hopefully guided by you to be taken to the river and to know your love endures and sing asong of gladness at theis fountain of your love.The cross of my redeemer.

Any way rather than act as if i am in the confessional yet wanting to be honest before you anmd feel the guide that julia' book is as like khalil their is the prophecy of forward trust based progess rather than unendurable repetition of disappointment and the sin of missing the mark

as you know i was angry at being unfed yesterday and worried stil exists
my income seems to be drying up and yet my mouth still wants for food and i instead of seeking a job as my brother suggested and i apologise for my sad rebuke and sharpness with him

lord i trust that though fatherly reassuring encouragers like brian beadles arthur gee arthur muraski have died and though tose who are old and kindly grow fail that you are there a heavenly father .I would that seeemingly kindly figures like stephen fry would accept you jonathan miller too O Lord God they have seeeming humility and yet whist wise in wordly knowledge deeper than the superficial neverthelss their none testimonyu to faith can drive me to work in soe boring way in a world of knowledge rather than faith and pusuing the hpe i have in your gifting.
I have sought to deconstruct my ability to draw only so as to be the more honest none pretedning teacjher/life encourager so that others may satisfy themselves tht the dream can come treu if they remove the mental block that is to my prayer mind miracel believing soul your will that we should spot that twenty six letters are drawings and that you have a bigger more accessable more trustworthy six primary rainbow because i have explored and trust this more that the limited though seemingly simple and holy trinity of red yellow and blue fro the orange re of bloob and the violet wine red of blood are difeerent as are the purposes of blood to give life .Oh

custrad yellow or sour lemon  and the plum lavendar blue is diffeent from the aqua viridian based torquise yet despit pointing more accurately i reaalis the child' need to be chilkd to not know to 'root' in you for the sweet sap of kindleier gentleter pre fall root sof child likeness

lord i seek to be midwife and testimony to one church one god and one shared praise prayer to your bigger picture

i am frightened that the money is running out that like job your provision is being removed from me
it is thursday today i thought for a moment it was tuesday as i heard dustbin men and even in saying that i just timetravlled through the morphing of words and associative though changes in the bins the reqcling to whom to turn for the new bin the lost grey bin all moneylike the renewing of the flats shared insurance and the mot and road fund license oh lord i need more income the rail pass seemed like good news should i go to dee or to brookdale tomorrow should i push myself hard to be at both venues or let sue down at dee by admitting to myself with ltd resources i should not use the car to go to where bob has rejected the painted centre of the clock that would have brought thirty in .And i now am submitting a larger invoice and i hope with all my heart it is justified by the work itself and its scale as i now add itens travel and amterials and brushes to justify the increased quote hope it is not because of the ripples of hunger when an innocent man who had secured the work asked if i was eating only then to say 'you will have to pay' i was trusting that it would be supplied as it has when i have worked in your schools before oh Lod that this is public i feel yet as a blog is almost behind the face as facebook takes on the eyes and dialogue this is more these morning pages though i do not want to hide my thought s pray liek the psalms of deep hurt n hope do get published . oh

i have spent money last night inmy hunger on eggs n bread n milk and on peas
so this morning i can see that whilst i cannot add the sultanas of your vine i can make the porridge of your seed provision accept this prayer i will now swith the music off and listen to my uploads with the drawings of prayer i sent up following a deeply hurtful experience of painful dissapointment as i found myself missing arthur yes but also feeling lost in my own remebered sin yet i go there as it contains the words for 2 corinthians 2.14
that sepeaks of progres i will instead of playing this simply reach int the internet bible and read them over the top of these rising praises all glory wisdom power....

 2 Corinthians 2 14
But thanks be to God, 
who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ 
and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance 
of the knowledge of him.

How deep the father's love for us
behold the man upon the cross
ashamed i hear my mocking voice call out amongst the scoffers

it was my sin that held him there
i know that it is finished
i will in  boast in anything

i will boast in Jesus Chrsit his death and resurrection

.......with all my heart his wounds have paid my ransome

So Lordmy less public prayer to you is that you will take away the fear and that i will trust in your provision whilst being willing to listen to Julia's encourgement to reach into the gifting as artist into my brothers suggestion of get a job and my friend suggestion to listen to praise oh and the ability to make mysetakes in your love ame help me with the presentation of both my invoiv=ce mot and the work you give me to do .letr me be Christian in the way that you would have me be not timoroursly but humbly in some strange reconciliation of these seeming opposite

jesus be the centre be the reason that i love amen

theatre set of hopefulness

hockney came second i think in the growth of my theatre sets
i cannot recall mentioning him when i was doing my degree
i remeber him well as a real discovery a seem to sew the interests of
my southport students into an apprececiation of art history
as contextual studies my thesis or beleief being that copying is neither possible nor really good
because what we take from another's flawed'style' we transform into our own flawed interpretation yet the flaws are desirable like the idea ;make your mistakes perfectly'

this is klees what goes in at the root mirrors but also fruits flowers and leaves at the heavenly crown
the questions about authorship that hockney received he quickly side stepped by taking of painting and saying 'art' is an unknown mentioning gombrich's essay i felt the interviewer was a blank canvas as he purseued a line of questioning that was oversized and not really absorbing but deflecting the answers of hockney oh well

herge 's tintin similarly allowed me to respond to the cultural inclusive adventure of what is englishness
the crystal palace of brighton and empire of indian chinese restaurants and arabesques in victorian architecture and zen gardens in schools hockneys world refelcts hogarth in a crosshatched world like sendaks theate might in wild things but then you find dufy frenchmness and willow pattern plates herge and hockney are the same visual pastiched of children loving the museaum and the depth of the dogon masks and herge's storyline get confused and reinterpreted this is narrative and three d collage the recent hope is nick parks and tinin meet the cgi world of lost and found wonderment as ice age and other pleasure bring hope of real adventure in the painterly scultural visual game

so today and i go to primary school if it had been warmer i would where short trousers and be at the sea side in my mind i think two thirds of my life i have been in memory and one third able to be where i am on holiday alone i remeber and miss the girl friend i had dreamed of and dream of still will the feelings i have for the lovely k or s dance me into hope of marriage and world of flowers and shed and holiday or am i instead to be the romantic batchelor without the sadness it holds for me ?

i look to God and for parable in the story lines bneneath the visual not forgettin my eductaion includes brecht who want to reorientate the work into the truth by deliberate verfremsdungseffect  of being aware that the reality can be hecckled rather like jesus dis and does cutting through the established misbeleief that the wrong habits and illusions must go on strange to think that \jesus is iconoclastic like the zen master who draws your attention to a more obvious truth like my son shouting i can see yu daddy when i am performing an outdoor play of the tempest as a drunken butler and momentrrily hiding behind some wooden wall

i myslef as i sit back have jsut reorientated myself simiimilarly by noticing no hildegarede von bingen shelter of music in the back ground of my morning pages ==sounds a fan and some sparrows dull light as i think feel remeber the bell that brings another friend joy as she rings it on a dewy mountain and i look for our parent god to come with friendly face of ordinarines but with reassuraing kindness into view as the barbecue skwer turns to pen and i miss my firend who drew so well again

perhaps no one will ever completely get what you are showing them how evere well you show share or explain or talk them through it you are alone yet in that you have a you to enjoy call it ego and feel like someone elses interpretation has fascist authority to ooze guilt into or out of the puss of the boil of resentment yet julia has provided a tad292 of a book a world that you are able to succeed in firts class honours in what you did pre education and whislt at primary school yes being made to learn in a bullied way is not goignt ot make a metronome acceptable to the very wonderful beat of my own small 'art and the breath of god'd incusive draft of air water and wine

oooohi will pour onto brookdale the arrow of appointment met by hope of God's provision and forgiveness
for loving beyond the boundaries of the railings and the lesons the purpose and the play the heads two better than one have sought to create adventure playgound school of expanding transformation whilst reatining stable one career recognisable fatherly characters to be rememebered rtusted and enjoyed and their child hood does not cease as they retire they must learn now to play as i tu]rust i will with new friedn arthur and arthur i should put you in a book with izzy pop and i  amen for now thanks be to god i will play the praise on the facebook site thank you lord god and heal my freindships i hate to lose people amen

Tuesday, 17 April 2012


their encouragement
yes you particularly
friend who gives
nothing worse than to feel that someone wants something
that you cannot supply though you try to give it so that
you may be loved i return to see whether the julia cameron chapter
is flawed or even untrue

i just noticed the design flaw that makes me find i am suddenly  typing inside
the area i had completed re-furrowing the ploughed field of my
morning pages i had used to unearth my heart to see what is going on with my me

it was that if i rest the heel of my hand on the centre of the laptop
or the notebook then i reorientate the placing of the text
as the capital I cursor as opposed to the beating heart
 vertical line cursor slides ready to be placed elsewhere

yet unsure how it does the click on the left to select
 to become the heart oh well nay mind lad
I was about to get julia's essay on poisonous relationships

<< 2 Corinthians 2:14 >>

New International Version (©1984)
'But thanks be to God, who always leads 
us in triumphal procession in Christ and through 
us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.'

this is to be read aloud say my healer prayer friends in church R and K amen

yes here she writes of 'self attacks ' and of  'crazy makers'

mmm of a sense of identity and of going sane mmm
'who am i kidding?' is groundless

toxic playmates can capsize your creative growth
do not expect blcked friends to applaud your creative recovery
oh how i like ed then who questions but continuously clicks on the like button who instinctively supports and enables and thanks be to george who cares and who walks who listens and enables includes nurtures and alpha courses the world around him and to sandra who keeps on dancing and who turns to the music of god and to John who is kindly and hopeful in Christ i am to forgive but change company as i realise this is wasting my life wet balanket rather than funky monkey-ing me amen

Blocked creatives are easily manipulated by guilt and Lord i do not want to drive that road
lord encourage them and heal them but set my spirit free in christ of all sedatives of all anaesthesia unless an operation is taking place thank you for david hockney who is an aesthetist the yang to to ying of the rem the wonderful dream that is unfolding into a reality from within a safe nurturing space that is optimisitc rather than 'dark' and lost in hurts unforgiven and self criticisms that cripple the soul remove this weight from them and let them not drag others down who wish to coach forward rather then dig up the past in neurotic digging questions of psycho babble neurotic encirclement.amen

thank you for the productive example of hockney who is reflective productive and continuous and hopeful and sees an ever growing series of immense possibilities and who i feel has come to the hollow left by a supportive yorkshire friend to fuel and to fruit the planting of an encourgeing friend just as i seek to do with my two arts three if i think of my dad james arthur yet he could be wet blanket i will forgive and see his tinkering that allows me to think on those two arcades of wartime entrepreneurial spirit asste based thinking what have i got i ma not using he turnined teapots into biscuit barrels funny man and echoed the comics he saw in playful blackpool a well lit hope in a dark war

One's own healing is the greatest message of hope for others amen


'the reward of attention is always healing'

walk and write about what you see amen

it is all about attention write about attention
attention to the suchness as the detail amen
the overallness of change that can go unnoticed by the momentary location

what ahs been discovered that we can be caught by God unawares we have to keep moving i will take different walk and i will take it now after porridge and trust that i am moving forward

An Excerpt from The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron

Julia Cameron presents exercises and advice that will keep you active and fit on the royal road to creativity. Here are her tips on things to keep in mind while you engage your imagination.


In order to be an artist, I must:

1. Show up at every page. Use the page to rest, to dream, to try.

2. Fill the well by caring for my artist.

3. Set small and gentle goals and meet them.

4. Pray for guidance, courage, and humility.

5. Remember that it is far harder and more painful to be a blocked artist than it is to do the work.

6. Be alert, always, for the presence of the Great Creator leading and helping my artist.

7. Choose companions who encourage me to do the work, not just talk about doing the work or why I am not doing the work.

8. Remember that the Great Creator loves creativity.

9. Remember that it is my job to do the work, not judge the work.

10. Place this sign in my workplace: Great Creator, I will take care of the quantity. You take care of the quality."

Sunday, 15 April 2012


Gentle yet almost miltary Debussy piece building in the background
has turned into cinematic swirls and gusting urgency
oh this would be perhaps wonderful if i was arouse and urgent
yet this is one of those chill mornings with hope of sunlight cold april waiting for any flowers from any where some smile on the face of a friend any friend yet
some illicit ....................

no go not to the truth that is negative but the the equal truth of creative imaginative there is a warmth in me and there now as if i felt or remembered the gentle corner the music would turn

the girl want to look lovely in the bower of her own feminity to be pictured as part of the scen i should have picked up some clues never mind says edgar allen poe and guagauin and don't go again say arthur there is warmer sunlight to cycle to on michelangelo lit mountain and grander vista

 astern father a friend in a pulpit says as she recalls and momentarily expreesess an unkind father and i reflect on her sharing caring kindly soft spoken hubby and am gladdenned by what god has done and i am now rtransportd on a portal of light to chester a bookshop and i am safe able in the ancient castle of parental childhood day out to know my way to have my own car and to know where to park and how to be patient to make apicture that is not instant but gently caresses the day i am able to cocoon myslef in god's cathedral of 2012 possibilities oh some of this 60 water will flow through my fingers but that really is alright we cannot own the place nor the relationship should god say like on both of our rough edged then the seem will be real and know not seems but share and become and be happy to be one oh the sensuous hopeful river of god's feminine gift to me in my sleep brough me back not despondent unsatisfied wife but loving wonderful girl woman thank you lord god you are not cruel you have not let me be totally alone i see in three d and also in a flow of possibilities

God has brought the flute and the deep bassoon and brought the arm sun through the trees and the caress of the true etch and the glanced mark and the subtle spill on the lovely shore of a wave that does not say go to a job brother did not meant to hurt me and i did not mean to be hurt we are close he says and i trust it is now so in my very soul let it be so

rejection is cruel yet acceptance has in some way to be conditional i will tidy you away from my room too if you will not come in and do not wish to love me be gone with you let me find the heaters and put on the bath water that no bad thing happened nor will for if you sought to share you did me il

oh god that i should be brought to light to bloom and to bed with the sunlight of tenderness to be caressed by your creation oh thankyou for feminine fragrances of lavendar and flowers i cannot know footballl not endear myslef to sport i am like a winged bird that sees all and goes to fond blossom and listens to music on the glazed open window farm radio i am the darling budding may and the big old horse allowed its pasture oh that is waht is truly needed a big horse .

and still there is the wonderful milled bell of an object that dad made and i am here not alone but caressed by success of not self but god appointment and his child and i must trust and be in awe of my appointment with hope god must like me jsut as i am and yet lord a friend a girl friend post her from your infinite amen

there i have been given the truth th internet is just a reflection small cosmos corner of the atoms and energy of god's infinite

let us bury ourselves in you and share those times when tax discs and tax returns amd mot are due and both find jobs we like to share the people there and trust and absorb them into our momentary life's garden of tender tears wine music laughter and goodliness amen

o let babs be content with another that she will share her family with let another jimmy not be made lonely by unrequitaed hoepfulness amen

let the past flow awy from me and show me what to do with these branches and twigs amen

Saturday, 14 April 2012

do not share it

keep it hidden
you are naked
clothe your self
get out of my garden
never to return
you now have knowledge
of the way
to blue
be outside the core
i will graft you in one day
you point to a face a stone face a single steping stone into the river where the next step is turst
and a wedding or it is back to the sure of equal uncertaintly where love doesn't live here no more
of jimmy nails
and wooden crossroads and
she's lying
with ever action a refection of the love i seek to share you make a mimicked pot
cast as if a slip pot similar and even if not the same a womb for the true seed but a mother left empty till
her child beside her her boyfriend her unnoticed man her kind lover who need to know she will not reject him for the empty sailing on isolation hermit hildegarde von bingen holiness or jan gabarek's high flight
but with the deaf percussionist in a cave like a hermit with functional wonderful shells of delight tinkling the shore together two voices can stir a tsunami of love in their mutual thrillness i believe in love i believe in art but this art is the name of three men tree men hearts of yew that seem to have been hollowed out but have left me here the outercasing the very alive absorbes joy and ocean current of playfull continuum there is no still ness
oh billy winchester i saw you wandering hermit always you swam the sea and you swam lakes in forests and yet when your small flesh was burnt from its white sticks i could not gety to behind the metal corrugated workmens fence at the crematorium to ri the voice from the naggin knife of the pneumatic chill that spoke of life of mindlessness

on a mountain somewhere someone might one day offer me the quiet for my sadness as i like you sought to stir their very joy so that instead of the eerie height of ripping eagle and self righteous angel i would off them the soul of a lover that is the lark ascending from the risked bed in the shrubs of lif'e golf course where the seldomness the casualness and folly of man's game is spread for longer and yet your song vaughan williams is sung for them all to draw them away forom and not towards the nest to be out here with me creative great view near by

the danger as we know is to have a uninhabited place where they will put up there pylons and web like spiders the air itself and suck the vista dry of our rippling efforts to fly free of foolish art work to become gold leaf and canned artis poo when we are part of the river i am not in it i do not walk it God will show you there is nothing but me

ego is

transcended i matter |god love this individual as he is not aprt from he is at heart only god nothing less

in jesus fulfilment and purpose and care eternallly one day but more likely in christ you know you cannot leave the hat without removing your very head

inversly and yet still really puzzlingly true for words are the threads that evicdence the head and the head the crown of the fruit and the mind in the fingers is equal to the soil and i am then here and gone and samuel beckett seek in godot to hang around the french counrtyside resistence movement to get people out of the regime of catechism enfoced by law and into the reall world of   not knowing
exploring together
both mutually dressed in mutual warmth amen

a donkey is not just for easter nor for christmas

and the scientific camera and the acid and the plate even the plate camera was invented by the lake that etched the groung to make the spring that she refelects back to herself now bu narcissuss is only missing echo and echo missing the point just like freud and dali did strange but surreal what was i thinking says hugh grant
persnality less and hollw
not to be interviewed he was just the pencil in the hand of the director not supossed to blow the bloody doors off it will let the rain in
the roofless church of the big issue sellers i sang my song and tom and jean were there as the balloons released in concert and catalist marko wondered about what was happening as the film of their venture had not brought hoim the joy and all was way beyond and yet god's will be done and i sit and i collage in the water of thought willing the current to find me right that you lord god and you lady neighbour may nurtute a kindness to let this child tells you i miss and love ebvery raindrop that has fallen into me amen

kenneth williams cultivated streams of hope in his transporting knowledge that though he too created wisdom streams left little room for others who had lovee that reassured and settled their sensuousness and betjemen shy and lovely and parky could not stop kenneth nor satisfy his neediness oncce the deep cut into th mountain ridge has been cut the slightest breeze will stirr the loneliness of the deeply hurt and unloved open arms of a child with out mother and man without his wife/love/frind he will desperately send out a current to evry nightime shining shivering isolation car the dark of the seeming lighthouse chasing the light of the twinkle in the eye of the bird that like the frigate bird booby cannot land on the ground and must steal the sould food midsrtream form other birds but not alone god has made many for the same species to wonder at epecie to specie man is lonely as a sepcie say steve berger hence the need to make a flm called alien where a sick looking sham puppet appeals to the heart of unnatural pop corn eating amn and corn fed chickens instead of reerange none battery hens are full of omega three let us find the land so put up the plum tree and the fig and pray jesus will come and fill you amen to my hopeull lonely sould i already mis the friend i nerly knew but the wife who is always about to go oh lord when will you stop the devil treating me like job? oh my firend in jesus open you flask of tea and share the printroom at wrexham and and let me know you are there can it be a female eve to my cheerful adam and let there be lots of sharing and let me applaud you on an instrument somehow

i blog not for julia but because it is the clay being washed for us to share together

oh what a pleasure when i was the flying car of life and hope to give a lift from a to b to billy amen
and how great to take in turns the car to wrexham when art and i ate and etched our prayers into momentary watery smiles and laughter

now then too

alright the beach of rolling pebbles shifts as my synapses
 do not so much sizzle as stumble when i want them to jiggle n sparkle

how much time do i have?
how elastic is my time?

i am impressed by what friends have accomplished i never expected my friend john to live in the Loire valley
nor i suppose that Amy would be such an athlete of globe trotting

my nose sometimes smells an inferred scent and my taste buds take me to the supermarket for the ingredients of say rhubabrb crumble and i am small agin with a broken rusty bucket with the bit leaves with caterpillar nibbled lace work like stocking with holes and fat pink ruddy legs of juivy sournesss firmly stepping them into the sunlight tyring to oush away the bucket i lift it off oh how i am growing myslef back in my childhood bedrooom i am not trying to solve some psychoanalytical puzzle please shut the book no this is the flavour of my memory useable real present associative tactile my living nerve ends are my fingers in the self same now of thinking eyes watching manipulations of form and sensed abbility to creat play enjoy be like cider with rosie apple crumble with anyone come in and take a load off be a friend to me you can hold me you can take tea you can show me you can care be cared for marry me bring the coal in help me light the fire i can chop some would i will make you love tokens but no good if your mind is wandering so far away you do not take me with you wear my gloves share a blanket tell me all be gald to fearlessly hold nothing back water of tearful tender caring carefuilling full truth of not choosing but including all as we seive together for the gold of life giving moment i will not go far and we will be together never alone but so married so beloved so belonging with new news vital to our sahred wonderment oh now you forget a cheerfil moment when the dance and your hunger to share took me to precious learning opening hopefulness book writing i am not your memtor i am your good souls truth and guide and you are mine we dug deep and created footing for god's energy to pour not through frail breeze but firm fat trunks of solid goodness but the glancing happens momentrayily through sharpended stick and quinlk line the potter himself uses as he also unrolls the cheap lining paper nice buff natural colour endless like the quarried clay in touch with earth oh do not let stories of madness and darl sides of the moon draw you in but do listen to the lovely fingerstyle retunings seemingly hauntinmg but not so real and tender of nick drakes river

as a couple of attempts to upload have failed i am choosing the more cheerful kirsti instead

man let me find it to freshen the fragrance of this moment on the page in the morning sunlight that spills onto the paper mache salt dough faced wire sketon dancers that will do a stop motion dance of life and impiulse and prayerful caring like our own oh find your husband or find me but find me forever finders keepers love the one you treasure buy the field god mentioned and dig for its treasure beleive encourage and marry your hopes desires step back into the boat of love and stear it with the wheel in the window as you set of not after red rachakams ghost through arthur rackham tree drawing biut for god's treasyre core seed values and replace industrial thron spokes with firm stron g sfreindly reliable arms braches strong enough for tree houses love amen

Thursday, 12 April 2012

vine dresser

please don't cut me off
pour your river into me
pollarded trees are all around me
cuts n bruises savage me
i  am in a fallen orchard branches twigs and collaged forms
the foliage is all illussion parasitic ivy moss
greenery yet river passes your my author uour the boss
kindly father you've a purpose on the tree
the crucifix
excruciating pain you bore for all of me and all my us

i me mine and all the friendship kindly and encouraging isaiah 55
come get me like the old 55 liverpool bus taking me back to my mother and a dad who cared for me cared for david yet was flawed to trimmed my father kept him dancing put your word inside his soul
he drove for miles with little caravan forty years and holidays giving isable his mary memories

van morrsion you too have faithful faithfully enclosed your tears in several enveope of lyrics albums of your fallen leaves tears a plenty in the spirit friends fall away and leave us hurt where oh where my old friend arthur
lord you've left me standing here without so many gorageous branches frederick fanck and brrian beadles art muraski technical able bodied able minded gentle fathers brothers all when i had lost the fuel i carried wasted pages buzan mindmaps endless possibilities did i cut of my own hands then when i said i will not go back to anyone who hurt me did not value me nor know that the spirit that you gave me was God hearted soaked in joy little child and gentle lover lost in wonder playful childlike chritian boy oh i hear the critics taunt me perhaps you sevvered their limbs too as when they reached out for wrong reasons they found they weren't samaraitan but strangers yet starngers may well be your angels and thought they bruise and cut at us yet you find a purpose in them not a purpose to confuse for you are the holy river loving god i read psalm on word of god flow mighty in me when they sap me with old roads memories the devl haunts us says got but of course jesus taught the devil always that he is our shepherd there to guide us back and garden with us pull away the sad old thorns from such times with gathered roses we'll come through productively isaiah 55 is in me will not retrun without achieving holy purpose for your child i smile sometimes in purest mystery in innocence you give to me blow some notes sad sounding wonder grumpy grumbling zen of faith achy sounds an laments really blues upon a b flat heart
like a child i wear pyjamas neath my clothes for most the day arta and art and kind young girlfriends are you coming out to play will you hold a distance from me will you know the fathers joy as sincerely you explore them roads a plenty you have seen roads that you have left to strangers find your way on pollard trunk to the father to the rive snow up high with gambling lamb springing four feet simultaneous deeper than foundation base winds are blowing any answers dylans bluesharp blowing too oh to etch again in heaven better thought and better ways deeply bitten open bite it won's hold ink unless i rough its wounds gravel pathsa and sores a pletny hold the blood pull out my throns how 'd we feel to pull those prints my friends held outr breath as from the kiln curtains opened on performance shared communion of care door curtains open them to air and lungs a fresh with love and hope and new life perhaps somewrere over the rainbow beyond old mill like teeth pulled out that mountain is put one samll mouth piece of the sheperd blowing pipes to gather all the ideas and stone soup goodness drawing all into the mix we have learned that individually god does love us i am mine but also his i am not your if you are lonely if you cling and hide the truth i am onlu everybodies though your pride may hit the roof so another plays and i don' for i have a lot to learn if i haven't made the measure kirstis right i have to earn so with effort cut me back lord make my efforts focused on you pour the light from dryier chanels purer image holy lamb how i want to share the goodness of the concert of pure skill ellusive fluid fab and frinedly head me for th holy hill get the cross you always had then ready with those killing pins how i'm sorry for the sadness of unlovingness in me sex has brought me to sad passage intimacy stopped in me girlfriends choose to leave me harmles sad in memory man no more implore with a spaniels features mother in them love me more yet i seek that jill for this jack take me back to high loves hill where the river is unsullied pollrded braches bare new twigs sap and leaf not moss n ivy reality in some apline flower white a springing lamb an d flower blossom me thought fruit has severed now now children can i seed when i draw i must not upload them for they are not real nor read god he will not deny me he told me from desire of old at a college summer holiday he will love each hollow broken reed

thankyou for my morning pages holy water pour through me allegory and film as parable vow
goodwill and shipping news
pay it forward
ediie izzard performces emotional memories the landscape of a holy god we cannot see past our talking like the glass the eyes are shaded cannot see with purer vision lest decluttered we stand bare
boy and girl and holy spirit in your garden trusting share

so you stay again conctented safe in some old comfort zone as i leave unholy faamily waiting in god's waiting zone send me leaf or send me braches let me write like herge now let tove johnnson out in spirit enid blyton minister now no don't want the eerire stuffed stuff damien hurst and manzoni poo

i like winnie  ilike gentle i love jesus yes i do
bring me chilkdhood beatrix potter country cottage seeing eye hope of heaven fluid lines abaundant river float with me to forvever playful giver in my thought my mind my hair in each inky fingered loving stains a plenty fallen lives hopefilled pens of chapters given to a real and loving wife i would ask my god for sap then as i come to dance alone don't know all the moves moved through me not until they are your own i know god and he s my courage though the nest fall off and are thrown last years harvest loves old faces weary wolf sheepclothing ownded give away the sad old foxes ermine stoves and staves that force metronomes are tiny minded clicking tics for cuckoo clocks go back to your own nest i beg you do not peck me half to death lord rewind the springs insside then as you take their unimaginativeness to rest svere then the sppring of contact with the modern jive of moves till we find spontaneous signals holy wine and holy grooves riffs a plenty int his river as we share creativity let me alone to watch the clouds changes icy shadows over we,  nboy and girl and loving father orchard of ture loving score a story home a path a village pots in fingers holding more amen

it is no secret what God can do what he's done for others He'll do for you with eyes wide open he'll see you through it is no secret waht God can do so be like him and live a none secretive life from now on no duplicity and then no half truths nor lies a single breath to breath  the true air unsullied amen

 i have had a hard gruelling sad time when wanting to play out in god's holy garden lord cut the head off the snakes and the adders of loggerheads and other unholy unwholesome dark sided memories amen

there is no dark side when your heart is flooded with truth light hope belief honesty encouragement amen amen

tahn k God for dee fine arts the future blue moon that saw me standing alone with easel painting pictures of no love of my own but not without a dream in my heart amen

so then

i have spent two weeks on week 11s morning pages and have seen them grow thin and am unsure whether i have had an artist's date that was that appointment twixt myself and i an God but i can say that i have
spent two days of feeling the presence of arthur gee my old friend and fellow printmaker and also arthur muraski my friend and art technician

i think of them as kind none judgmental encouraging and in many ways the gentlest of tutors mature mentors and skilled exponents of that singualar gift   kindness

thought of mountains but are these panoramas real as they flash past the glazed windows of the momentary gaze the promissory note of return or the hope of fellowship retrieved through God's kindness

there is no way back and the ink of course does not touch the sky though the paper is my heart pierced for communion and the blood of quink is poured out and smudged

God i do not want to either write in pretensious haiku nor indeed in modern stychomithia poems but in sincere reverie and reverence for fish n chips shared with arthug and watch purchsed by arthur m

oh the remembered pottery subject of the painting of my son on the landing take me back take me way way back as van morrison says so i can see their kindness and say farewell properly both funerals have been lost and then i would not have found their own spirit there just families hurting and lost as they searched the ari for a picture of their friend as i do now. o lord i mourn i have put the bathwater on and hope to wash the sorrow of these thoughts form my aching emptiness oh to face the light of hope and let the shadows fall behind me amen

i will go and have my bath and then return to do my best to find God and love and my friends spirits inmy heart and mind i do not really know where to turn fell so much fuel of hope and memory has been burned in the furnace of self  justification and sad remembrance and wishing i had done everything better or even known whether i was doing anything of purpose at all i long for a hopefilled future from a unconditionally loving God beyond my small human imagination and then for you lord to talk with me into my sore soul and let me here the whisper of hope that might ignite none dependency yet faithfilled satisfying produvtivity how wonderful a potter makes simimal pots and that they all sell to people who call to purchase in bulk how fab bless the potter who does so tha one whom i must not mention yet is a good man as i am amen

i will look at julia's book to see if there is something there to encourage me or halp me grow amen

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

let your thoughts go

meaning flow
Yangtze river
Love God

being beyond my understanding
flowing alive to surprise

how to recognise surprise when found
you just are



my continuous soap box to wash from under my feet
turn it into bubbles of fun
thin air
fragile thin ice water of life
more than on

before me a friend walks talks drinks complements flows kindly yet side steps his fuelling by
theorising as this poet of nothingness brings creatio ex nihilo to life as once again
ready made created music of Hildegarde von bingen ;s voice is that of choristers creating illusions

i have three drawings by edward ardizone to my right and tthey are blow up photocopies of stig of the dump
i want to step back or go forward into childhood with a friend
i want to be loved and to know that i am
and to love and to show that i do

my sin is to be a child of a loving god and the worlds sin is to judge me for it as if you were he but you are not

but i will fall off any soap box like one of my own wobbly wire and saltdough and papermache figures i cry to my Lord let me fall catch me and remake me as i fall into the potters field after playing my my part
your heart
is who i am

why do the flowers have to keep dying?

i do not know
and simply cannot stay
just keep on pushing through the drizzle
seeking friendship
in the dullness of the grey pick some more when eyes are there to
 see them which reminds me in my pocket there are blossoms
i collected on the way i will literally go look in my pocket
 bring their crushed small sunlight to the light of my today

in the absence of a dead friend or two and with
another in hospital i did not know the dob or address
of so could not visit when i passed the hospital
i have writtten a letter to a slightly younger though further back in my book of life
pages in the hope of retreiving something sharable and fresh from within the lost friendship and also the neglect

i was sad yesterday as i did not know the where and when of the dance group and felt out of the loop despite my attempted enthusiasm towards their collective and individual heart warmth their grey day sun;light
when i got to them i had to keep going as the hospital and the wire of the homebase called me to creativity and i was glad when that rare synchronicity of a friends call within my loneliness restored some hope and then i bought food and tried to believe i had the resources for it i am pretending i have money and pretending to have the ability to dance because of faith that had me write a song i share and care about

there are gifts yet to discover loves released yet not on view seeds of hope to be encouraged/discovered /revealled warmed and sshare i n the very heart of YOu

this is the message of the gospel echoed i feel in julia cameron's the atrists way which came into view in bold street bookshop when i went to go on the creative bias course in liverpool the same building colins architectural practice belong in which is owned by regenda that employed me through jimmy rae so there are more god incidences for you if following the others

Sunday, 8 April 2012

evidently consequently hopefully


o izzy pop

and timepiece

and the size of God

I think back to that wonderful moment when i seemed to belong to a family and it was a new place anew bookshop a new beginnining and the life coaching gro model anfd the mindmap called to me and so i will find my way back to that moment in the nottingham christmas bookshop when god brought a row of financialmiracle

pathology and the vorologist and the flabobomotomisy and the doves had been shot the rabits had been found homes and the finches too as rats from the brook chased me from my home consequently

ed said recently that i was moody as i always feel hopeful i had not noticed but george said yes from in a playful mood to being in a bloddy miserable moodo dear how i wish this insight had not reached me as i had not so much got comfortable as was drifting in a loving hopefulness yet there has to be a possibility of joy and of the holy spirit making a difference and so i have to accept tom is going into a hospice as hildegard von bingern nuns sing as if from a mountain and i look at a cheerful iimage i made of the valley the moon the sleeping person and it has a moon in it and i wanted to find a wine label image of blue moon to send to david large oh i sound just like my mum who would happily collage just like samuel beckett just like laurie lee oh

from the 1950's kitchen of bootle when in st monicas avemue a house stood in a field in a cottge of serepair and i realise i am not alone as i blog on the internet but stil

the house we were in faced a field and there were two relativly modest bridges both still there one is a humpedback bridge which sound like an izzy pop possiibility for a stroy

thios lmorning here in thei world of west kirby it is cold and wet outside and the fan heater is blowing warm dryness yet there is a breeze of chilll in the same curretn on the top of my left knee and only self portrait me and god's compassionate word through others are singing with thes nuns the fact of me in this bedroom i smell toast and wonder if sandra is alone in greasby if alison is heading off to wales or sleeping and i do not really think of those who are not thinking of me though i have no evidence that any one is i like alittle momentary audience on my drawing and i was almost reproached my brian's truth from the altar that if he were to surround himself with creative objects and i think in my defence of the crafts lady who was brought back to life by peter

then he would be arrogant and that we would think so too yet when god does the word arrogant is inapprorpriate for all of existence is the creative joy bubbling from god and back to god and i think of love and how the expression of gods love can be enjoyed and delighted in and i think of when god loved adam and enjoyed his delight in playing in eden but now we are to censor that joy with the 'knowldge; the sin of knowing that god found it to be good and we found ourselves naked

what as dylan says in the devil can it all possibly mean

but soem meaning comes from just enjoying joy is a fruit of the spirit and my currency just flow lik in psalm one i am a tree and i am planted by the water and i will both allow myself to be 'artist' as julia says that is really the child me that is the one god wants me to be as neslon mandela said so where are we all going and what does it all mean and am i in a mood or jsy satisfying ed;s observation or is this word mood come to be an onstacel will ed play only at hoime or will he come out to play and can we all be unblicked and life coached and unshelled?

i will make toast and jam and i might try phoniong sandra and perhaps go for a walk with her?

okay today let us once more say true and honest

perception of self using grow model

g  goals
r reality             c.v. of things tried current skills training and assets to utilises enter into need to meet aspiration
o  options     micromovements and simplifications asset based thinking
w way forward  actions to take in the direction of goals once more considered

dreams are clearly easier to keep hoping for than actions to get to them and affordability is part of a belief system
i need an expansive belief system  in an expansive God because of my expansive hope for an abundant life

my goals are relatively simple but not limited by my current perception as i believe in a greater series of un folding options when i consider the scale of the universe the wonder of current advancement in technology and the playful way i find that i think

my skills or rather my accomplishments were rob amy marriage and loving affectionate relationships that did not come to the serene garden cottage and studio of harmonious marriage as i had dreamed

Amy and Robby are currently realising two of my dreams
gardening being in a band that is out there performing and becoming
speaking other languages and travelling and experiencing other cultures

I am realizing some of my dreams too
I will play bass in the altar this morning and hopefully grow in my friendships
i go dancing and have a few moves to revise and remember
i enjoy the companionship of two loving girls and i in turn love them
i am unsure if i have meaning for them and am almost scared of letting meaning rule my heart
both of them matter to me and i would pray that God would perhaps help me to be a true friend
to become better at affection and at friending at loving

when i woke i wanted to explain to robert why despite the satnav that i had not used my courage and satnav to call on them insecurity of funding in truth

my current perception of god's financing of me is mainly in kind something i note that tony treasurer of st bridget's centre does not want he wants money -unlike the sisters of jesus way he does not it seems have the same faith in prayer provision or isaiah 55 as they did in their little caravan years ago

what to do well self promotion and asking perhaps like tony for high price on my work or only contributing and refusing to lead seems to be my way and remain my way rather than deifying or  i am happy to tweek sound systems and contribute to the mix

stone soup and morning pages and grow model reflect my faith at present which is one of inclusion but not of being used or unpaid

my feelings for a are sincere and stem for her stuckness and her kindness and her creative yearnings to play
with sound and materials and her enjoyment of my chatting encouraging and river of hopefulness i find myself sharing with her what arthur and i enjoyed but her being a girl makes me happy to be with as a boy i long for the girl to make me feel as god intended all adams to be amen

ak came like a bolt of lightening she has danced me and entranced me and filled me with hope and i am a little sacred of loving her yet know that i might oh help which way to turn then i hope both of them will allow me further into their hearts and they into mine as god is love and i am unloved
my hearts desire for a long time was to 'make' work the dream i had of r n
but though she had a basis in fact appears to be either fiction or based on the wrong real creature god had in mind

i am left with a desire to play piano
yes do the grades but to play loosely
i want to get back into the writing course too
izzy pop seems a great idea as does parkgate and twiggy n beaky and creative uturns may be needed on these two last as izzy pop is still seedling idea whilst the journey of parkgate an twiggy n beaky has already begun
and with bobby giving me this wonderful netbook i am nearer to my dream of travelling and wrting

yet recently i have been thinking of three earlier projects the paper mache scuptures the tromploeil of them
the book entitled caring for peter and the pencil journey that i stopped at the tsumani
i should like to turn these around

new ground is offereing itelf new subjects for playfulness
the rail pass gives me pendrawings of three cities in reach and also reading time on the trains again
the dancing gives me the dancers themselves the jive moves but also if i get it right stop motion animations of a couple and still sculptures of some of the dance moves
and ak kindess gives me hope of roamnce and broader fellowship with a loose group of playful minded real gentl vulnerable people- a church beyond church or to invite into worship fellowship  though i await god in this and include you lord as hoped fpor reader of my blog

i said to ed one hit on the internet is enough i should have mentioned the real desire that it is your reading that is of my major heats desire

so then my goals are to
a find funds and to learn to use my satnav go see my son's garden and my grandaughter and su
b befreind a and help her to realize her creative     dreams her artist child within
c to dance and if right become part of ak life and heart                                           marry the right girl god brings
d have a band and write songs and play piano
e. travel log
f continue as a reader of painting books songs and films witha mind to plot plans and further 'christian' parable
though i suspect zen less is moreneess will remain an insight god has shared with me transcultural awareness but now pot pourri of religions but one way one flock one faith and one AUTHIR father /mother greater than these'the  i am' God of undonditional love Jesus

i brief family music sharing friends
marriage / home/garden/kitchen
travelling and creative artist/musician/illustrativeauthor
books albums films concerts sharings dancings meals dances
food healthy diet sustained walking

reality lot of murals
published articles
work with musicians
bass harmonica and some songs one has over 3000 hits on youtube

cook quite well
have had three years as an artist so far with varied portfolio
as wine label cloth pattern  designer muralist illustrator printmaker community artist
performed nusic live iin and outside church
have a good c.v and whilst i used to lecture in interior design printmaking art history drawing development narrative illustration visula communistaion and technical illustration i now nurture a more playful life coaching way of learning outside the classroom and am watching musicians grow from my guitar tuition and that is wonderful

i am dancing i have a piano and i have friends who are sharing insights
yes i did drop the more foramal lesons but that was because they were with the wrong tutor not the tutor fault and it was a very generous gift though we did reciporocate with mural work so i beleive we have acted approrpriately both of us just hard to be friends when there was once something more precious oh lord plase do not let this hapen again let us both find a the one you want for each of us she has a new freind/relationship and this is a good thing for me as i want to start afreshh for ever now amen

so the that is g a  and r a  roughly gone through so then options on actions
well i have a mural to do and the lessons in salt dough and wire figures and stop motion animation i would like to nurutre with the family i would sow a bigger vision of creativity with the st bridget centre and base it on stone soup thsy may need to pay me and get mateials and use the schools aroung her for their shared bike it five a day gardening venures and alos network with church farnm too

i want ot start something of a vision for gwitherin in a's hart mind beleife system so that she includes a lot of play and gets to play hersalf i feel that kens vision shrunk and napa was catrated but to have him reawake tad thinking and employ his networking skills fo ali woul be good and to get seteve involved as a firnd to arthur would be right o

so the  then options are to keep bring ing people into feloowship with each other to get the river of concetd minds hearts misucic and playfulnes flowing so i can than join i amen

options intorduce steve to ali

sustain my dancing

do my piano playng and keep writing

way forarwd set some deadlines on izzy pop
music exam
assignment 8
2011/2012 account
make the salt douhg figues and turn around the caring for peter and the no wor journey drawings again with its little old car and do a paper version to animate amen include isal gladstone and the dance