so then

i have spent two weeks on week 11s morning pages and have seen them grow thin and am unsure whether i have had an artist's date that was that appointment twixt myself and i an God but i can say that i have
spent two days of feeling the presence of arthur gee my old friend and fellow printmaker and also arthur muraski my friend and art technician

i think of them as kind none judgmental encouraging and in many ways the gentlest of tutors mature mentors and skilled exponents of that singualar gift   kindness

thought of mountains but are these panoramas real as they flash past the glazed windows of the momentary gaze the promissory note of return or the hope of fellowship retrieved through God's kindness

there is no way back and the ink of course does not touch the sky though the paper is my heart pierced for communion and the blood of quink is poured out and smudged

God i do not want to either write in pretensious haiku nor indeed in modern stychomithia poems but in sincere reverie and reverence for fish n chips shared with arthug and watch purchsed by arthur m

oh the remembered pottery subject of the painting of my son on the landing take me back take me way way back as van morrison says so i can see their kindness and say farewell properly both funerals have been lost and then i would not have found their own spirit there just families hurting and lost as they searched the ari for a picture of their friend as i do now. o lord i mourn i have put the bathwater on and hope to wash the sorrow of these thoughts form my aching emptiness oh to face the light of hope and let the shadows fall behind me amen

i will go and have my bath and then return to do my best to find God and love and my friends spirits inmy heart and mind i do not really know where to turn fell so much fuel of hope and memory has been burned in the furnace of self  justification and sad remembrance and wishing i had done everything better or even known whether i was doing anything of purpose at all i long for a hopefilled future from a unconditionally loving God beyond my small human imagination and then for you lord to talk with me into my sore soul and let me here the whisper of hope that might ignite none dependency yet faithfilled satisfying produvtivity how wonderful a potter makes simimal pots and that they all sell to people who call to purchase in bulk how fab bless the potter who does so tha one whom i must not mention yet is a good man as i am amen


i will look at julia's book to see if there is something there to encourage me or halp me grow amen