oh this little notebook i must take you you with me and sieve you for Izzy Pop dreams
momentarily rich at Christmas i could not help but be overjoyed as safety had collected
me up and given me a home
i have at times caught my vanity and sort to hide the mirror from my eyes only to try to find it smile kindly into it
and polish it again to beleive i am alright that God does know.That expresssion God only knows is able like so many other reall mountain hadn/foothold pins in the map of potential progress able to slip from the tongue and lose the grip of hope they contain God only knows-you must Lord for without this somebody this energy of you being there like the air I breathe and the flow of words to then through me I am yours or i can never have a truly meaningful'mine'.The two Arthurs are not dead certainly not in my head though i cannot blog phone write or talk be with them anew for another chat dialogue sharing of scribbled menu ingredients doodle sketched idea of something we can make together .Arthur Muraski and I made a table of twelve sleepers he made the moulds with John Freeman's assistance.John Freeman said I must render unto Caesar those things which are Caesar's
i returned the dental or sculptural tools and he secured the small set of pigs which i no longer have i have given away or sold them
pride i now recall and want to share so am i still talking to my Lord let it be a prayer of thankfulness i once sata at parkgate with a dream of writing in greater emotional depth the lives of the ordinary made extraordinary people of parkgate i wanted them to take on the flesh of kindness of people like arthur arthur and others
i have drawn a vintage ford model t rolled out at the bleak house of the architect of the liver buildings
and i have drawn a large girl puppet in front of the liver buildings and the large pig i sold at an exhibition at the williamson went to a friend of adrian henri's and he himself bought me a pint at birmingham when arthur gee and i enjoyed ambling together two artist taking part in a significant gallery with our souls full of youth and suitable impudence of freshness and attitude oh i miss the pottery and the ething studio of arther and of arhtu people who wanted to be there to see what was possible amen
who do i write to if not to them care of my our loving father yet God though you are immense and beyond me yet must i seek your embrace oh lord the grand designs are all hollow without the family and attention of one who cares to narrate and share the features of our wonderous 'humanity' our smallness is where our share in your divinity feels its blessing all the songs melodies of love and intimacy that our hearts break at when we find ourselves and others blind to the moment of connection recollection hope sharing and caring in our mutual being amen
did i say write did i do right as i write are my thoughts blessed into usefulness that the least of one of these and i might myself take hop/pride joy in? I hope pyar beleive in the possibility of them being artful being yours Khalil Ghibran wrote lovely and i courted antonia remedios with the book my first date at a restaurant with any girl my first grown up moment and her mum liked that she had been made happy and i felt what it was to pleae agirl and have made a prayer of it for these last is it 40 years since I was twenty and prayerful the 'tapere who carried a candle into the altar of st oswalds church where i felt safe like when in my loft for my father was caretaker of both building shis engineering like the two arthurs made me a knight of this triangle of arthurian rumour/legend as my dad was arthur in his middle name and i am hugh his brothers name
oh is my text prayer running thin as i sat yesterday in my poverty on george's bench with ken rememebering as i am remembering now yet what i am seeking to remember is me me when I phoned a friedn who came and collectedme connected with me and took me back to the garage and the me who once parted again from his noetworthy enjoyed a maisse card with pen and ink floers on it from the prayer that started with that first date oh that me that wrote and had published 6 of the 12 pages of parkgate oh well so they did not publish all i had gone far enough to share the publishing with my friends momentarily who had inveseted their own need for encouragement in jimmy fleming the not so proud really for they enjoyed my friendship and knew that i liked them as compassionate kindly and skilfull people like my dad i suppose and like my mum are the girls i courted for their homeliness their smiles flowers food and feminiity amen then this time i feel fearful yet hopeful and yes in christ but beyond shallow religiousness yet i will bow kneel ritual if God wants that form me yet lord you fill me with closer hope that i may be allowed to be more realistically frail yet more ardently enduring i pray for your strength i enjoyed a lot the encouragement to which i was the sound system of audibleness wanted colin to come to the conclusion that you will fill his net mine and ours with such fish such rivers of cleansing that is what the stream on brookdale wall was for the streeam of life amen of encouragement and of your joy in your creation your 3 d mountainscapes that please the boy and the girl that i kept and have enjoyed for momentray companionship yet the girl needs to be my wife and we need to know our father's blessing so please then provide the petrol the car the landscape the meal the ink and the paper for our scrapings scratchings at holiness refelcted inthe air blood words and swimmings through this fantastic being aliveness to it all fill your chrurches with song your valleys with food and with flowers and fill me again for i am only yours and lsot waiting to knwo whether i am going to make it through again this tiem please let the money come in please let the work go out and pleae please let the gifts to be discovered be discloed and declared enjoyed banked and inveted to rpoduce tose harvest like the litle exhibition in london of fredericks work oh how i wish i was closer to the everyone who surrounded dr franck amen
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