just awoke from a film i mean dream
with what i feel to be an positive outcome
i had been in a rather large office aware that it went on to my left behind me I was viewing down right at empty metal cabinet and pairs of tables with white wood dividers only about say five items of furnture
two lads though i was aware others were responding to them to i never had in view
one
both dressed differently both tall
were jumping sliding enjoying the space and seeing what they could do withit as if a gymn or outdoors
large movements
clearly the office was in transition of some kind and i was not overly concerned threatened nor frightened yet not comfortable with it they continue until having found a couple of footballs they began flying everywhere though i was aware not to exagerate but accept somehow none judgementally but i felt awkward
eventually having gathered several footballs and whilst holding a bin of footballs i
decdied to say something as i supposed for me personally it was now out of hand
i said that will do lads and to my delight then and relief thay relinquished the last balls and i i felt graciously watched them nod politely resolved to give it up and leave therir grace brought a reponse from me i felt come out and comforted me perhaps more than bothering changing or wahtever them
i said
'i have to admit i have been most entertained' it was said without cynicism thoughts of control one upmanship but with genuine relief and yet truthfully and i beleive it came out that way and i had
i wathced a sermon impluse talk by jane howcroft recently who had lost sleep
she wanted to stir up help for the friday youth group
danny too cannot be at my birthday because he will be helping young people bond through outdoor pursuits
i have been seeking to encourage more mature trapped people people bored with their jobs or stuck with an old newspaper to play and through setting up with simon my gifts yet to discover life coaching hope to bring about help the river of change to flow
a young man from youth for christ spoke from the bible of the river at differeing depths and how we should go in be emersed deep and surrendr to the flow of the holy spirit
some girl criticesed kappa a self centred i hope i encouraged hom as i mentioned the one from jesus home town who would not listen and so he responded with prophets are not listen to in theplace of their birth
out there flowing part of the currency of changed informed by the core values of all we admire and with an unexpected copmelling current of something yet we must not be cajoled too far out of our soulfulnness yet neither should we cling to a false comfort zone eggs in one basket and all that income streams flowing to purpose and the fruition of the shared tree of life
i think of hugh fearnley wittensatll like jamie oliver tuning to the scientist to verify three chickes one corn fed one large shed too many birds and one free to enjy garss and insects only this last one had the 80% omega three needed for our brains seems a healthy meat is a river for a helathy feeding of people who too need varity and out thereness not stcuckety stuck cluckety cluck stickness of mindless control
i have put myself down for another dance evening a place were the tutor is kindly encouraging even affectionate and my colleague patient and courteous too
i am pursuing the music of both hands and learning through micromovements of change i am
changing my habits and practisding instead of coffee mornings and i am trying to do a good job of the farm map fro my clients and having done the painting want to desconstrut it nd place it layers for multi prpose transformation to give them more conmtrol
my motivation and stirring caring is openly informed by julia cameron's book the artist way which is for writers waht i beleive the zen of seeing by dr frederick franck is was will always funstion as a wonderful teaching of fransican seeking to see and understand throught the meditaion of drawing as opposed to sketching whcih has clumsiness connotations although i beleive if a thing is worth doing it is worth doing badly seeing is really a sensititised worthy thing to do we either see tenderly the mark we make line we follow in awe like the sense of our own touching or it is the tracing in wonder of the eyees awareness of all that is wondering how to be captured by the suchness sketching has the arrogance of i feel saying loudly wilfully controlling ly 'artist'
wearing a badge way of scrawling knowing that we will use the excuse for the image it is only a skethc after all
it is a trace of your very being whether bad or good let the ego be realised and then transcended says frederick
have i reached pay dirt have i satisfied my wanting to do this course am i on track reaching deeper getting into tune am i ready to write as i was with seeing the drawings appear and the playfulness of the clay in my hands the miracle of me and rob when i was 32 and he two of being given a new beginnining because of norma liberating me birthing me into a hope of being an artist eb=ven a writer for that was the real hit with thetre sets and ceramics there was roberts company and words and curiosity and my writing aa piece on brecht that got from the tutor an 'i will use the essay for my lecture until the day i retire'
oh for more of the joy of knowing i was in and swimming part of academic and avante garde being alive
spike milligan john mayall rolnald searle and others had been taken back to school for the freedom th eden that this heart of mine/theirs least of one of these sought
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