knowing you are loved
i am using a lovely candle i bought from eden
its flavour is Persian Lime
i suppose we can now share a dream
we always could before by talking or by reading a friend's book or
by mutually being in the same space loving the same friends but now
there is an open invitation to borrow enter into the room of anothers thought
that is what this is
i suppose to the hackers it is a bit like going in and attempting to alter another's neural groove
perhaps music too does this as there is an urgency to the abstract painting on my mind that debussy is playing in my mins from the old disconnected computer behind me
so i suppose i can assume if interupted whilst trying to reneter my own morning pages another who is not quite sure waht to do may well have attempting to steo into my page to feel how it is well perhaps i may be paranoid but how was it ?
i liked it when dylan was filmes saying let them get another bob dylan see how he does
isn't it sad you carefully express the truth of what another has done only to find that they have misheaeard and even worse chosen without realising it to put a prefered negative that they are responding to into the very care you expressed to ensure they did not get hurt
so then what is all this theoretical fog getting at it is getting at the fact that in rsponse to two teachers one julia cameron i chose to identify poisonous friends who discopurage me
even though they mayt not know it
it is theri old habits that i must loose and my own by i cannot if i share company with them
perfectionism is preventing me from learning to play the iano whilst kindness and several shares of sincerity are enabling me slowly to keep getting back up to dance
and i do want to dive into the brave installed at cost piano that needed time connections risks to get into my relativeely small flat i though it significant to my creative growth stepping ut and recovery of childhood playfulness
yet my friend once a proper girlfriend has not taken my saying no very well and is now asserting how many successful students she has and how she has a new relationship and how she was offended by my saying that i am finding myself depressed after my lessons as i do not seem to feel encouraged anabled but stuck challenged beyond measure and upset
it has become my postion to assume that i have ateention defisit thingy m bob
i know sometimes that i do not hit these keys accurately imagine if i kept getting not the chord spelling wrong but the note length
i know she is supposed to tell me but there is no let up i feel like i am in the old palladium with bob dan fitz walter about to bang his little gogon saying you did say yes or no didn't you i forget it
compassion and kindness i will find the funds and pay i have seen a tutor on the net and one who undertsands various needs lets try him then with mine once i have this piano of me and the newly installed one tuned there then off my chest it goes
last night i had full colour postional dreams i had started a sort of freedom sleep walking in tht daytime yesterday the nice man allan from toast pointed out that i had either gone into deep meditaion or awas infact asleep i wandered into eden delighted to see oil paintings of stones i had made
oh by the way we are not dreaming yet this is real
so i was carrying five stones i had replaced on the beach in the morning and had lost one and as i made my way to eden i was looking for a new one and i found one outside john's doo so five in hand and not wanting to go home to sleep which had been forming aas a plan i wnet across the road to browse in eden and found lovely aromatic candles and conversed with pat about them about frederick about drawing and souhgt to rub out art and religion and bring the loveliness of the light the moment my soporific sate into the lovely shopa s it was flowing into me peacefilling me with hope river of flowers light joy
this end of banks road with rooney poytone whit bauhaus designer hair and ede and the video shop staacks and even the pizza and dress shops is the heaven god has brought about around me miraculously even providing a hardware chandlers type store of my childhood shed and interiors shpps of mums swaths too
oh this candle the debussy and yes i dreamed last night i woke with myself just froma car avery greengrocer gargener face to my right had paused in a counrty road to speak on the phone and out converstion across his listening seemed familiar not deyja vu more rel than that and my thought went to the sifting of severeal kindly partners to the dancing on monday so i feel hopeful of writing i am reaching rather than receiving here but i do seek Go'd's blessing on the 'abundance' a an alarm is going off on my pohone electricity being wasted i forgive me oh the sport relief just five pound lord let me give it someho today let me satisfy this just as gabi roselyn did with ther natural sporting stand up win last night the telly has been pouring good stuff in more intervies frosty parky and a programme about the heros of this skill interactivist incluind the vox populis o but then i do not want too much larger group flush of shaped public opinion the same courtroom jesus went thorugh that i could put a friend through if i am too severe the note you played just then when you criticised mine well you know i will retaliate rather than learn no i will simply play something else with another and say to you this is shurtin a dn i do not want or deserve to be crucified and will not crucify you amen
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