bubbling up with or withour caffeine
frozen in the headlights sometimes tis too thought want to subside to let the body off but drive the poor thing on despite an awareness of the panic that sometimes thought fairly rarely at present
21 that they may all be one; even as you, Father, are in me, and I in you,
that they also may be one in us; that the world may believe that you sent me.
22 The glory which you have given me, I have given to them;
that they may be one, even as we are one;
23 I in them, and you in me, that they may be perfected into one;
that the world may know that you sent me, and loved them, even as you loved me.
24 Father, I desire that they also whom you have given me be with me where I am, that they may see my glory, which you have given me,
for you loved me before the foundation of the world.
25 Righteous Father, the world hasn’t known you, but I knew you;
and these knew that you sent me.
26 I made known to them your name, and will make it known;
that the love with which you loved me may be in them, and I in them."
a sin that was dealt with kindly by buying me the longes for eden of bird and animal books flavoured by darwinian evolution thoughts theary but driven by that lear franck klee joy of colour creature form and infinite wonder yet similalrity of eyes and legs and being existing joyfully expressively colourfully
the thought when i layt there were not these no they satrrted witha poetic encouragement still working on the issue of blame moods daily mail garbage in garbage outr regular negativity programming that would have a kindly christian friend look at the bible to find some similar flavour of none gospel none good news prophecies of doom and gloom instead of the empowering joy of alpha and others who wept to know they were loved but wept from the joy of release like the secret millionaire i caught a glimpse of as he shared his tears and money through the death of his sisiter many years ago a fundamental need to grieve because of so much love
i lay there hardly awake as yet going through the eric beren christian i bneleive mantra of
i'm ok you're ok that tom harris m.d went on to endorse in a similar book to the games people play
we are more than okay
we are loved and joy is in every sense the chrisitna message empathy is not unreal nor cold surgical and uncaring but it must have should have will willfully have joy it must and i must say so in prayer and deed and action and hoepfulness a prayer may not be the place to share it oh no
i beleive that like when you prayed overheard by john
that it was meant to be heard so let me look now fro waht you said so i do not misquote you with what i hoped you said but with what you diod say translated i.e.
21 that they may all be one; even as you, Father, are in me, and I in you,
that they also may be one in us; that the world may believe that you sent me.
22 The glory which you have given me, I have given to them;
that they may be one, even as we are one;
23 I in them, and you in me, that they may be perfected into one;
that the world may know that you sent me, and loved them, even as you loved me.
24 Father, I desire that they also whom you have given me be with me where I am, that they may see my glory, which you have given me,
for you loved me before the foundation of the world.
25 Righteous Father, the world hasn’t known you, but I knew you;
and these knew that you sent me.
26 I made known to them your name, and will make it known;
that the love with which you loved me may be in them, and I in them."
I beleive that as this is the day of my review i terms of the artyists way that I am as julia suggests to blog unitl i go past my mental page and a half and break through into the revealing new stuff the deeper honest the well of my being and to the serendity of discovered connections and persited in endeavour of hopefulness
goals for the day well the eimmedaite one is clearly water based a cuppa and then a nice bath that i become current and am poured out currency to be spent fro god's abundant wallet Simon wants me to illustrate the series of images i thought of wolf in sheep's clothing that we are to be wise as serpents and as gentle as doves and persistenly break thgough to the seed gifts yet to discover that you as julia points out have a store of wealth that we may seek reach into ask for trust in rst in beleive in allow ourselves to know a loving generous kindly god whpo loves children we are shee in shepherds clothing and we individually are brought back into his sharing caring loving fold both collectively and indidvidually we all count are all counted we are i am you are more than okay free men
fat three d double helix god you know the back the front the in theout the hollow the twists and turns searching time transformtions shall we say 'moods' ed then?
emmanuel is more than okay
i know nothing i am from barcelona says one of the emmanuels another sells a big issue and yet all are god amongst ghod within waht we do or do not do for the least of one of these you do for him and i thank you for helping me to take the heart out of the camera that clung to the pictures to pour it out into another vessel so i could get on with my work
yesterday i drew lossely freely but needed the camera that seems to worl okay again now it is debunged
less is more i feel i should do this groject one scribble at a time i am mapping a whole farm ow cool an invitation is that from bread roll and olive to wine bottle to sheep to goat to wooden maize to lavendar maize
to tractor to barrel train
i will go get julia's questions and i will go get my cuppa tea
if i do not read a newspaper how we i find the news ?
people will tell me
isn't that selfish?
depends on what they tell me that i am supposed to have read
what news have i to share?
well tht it is alright to be like one of these children
what is that i read children's books i seek to learn new things
i do not say it is too late as if everythingwere to be measured by my ability to d it perfectly
oh what do you know you trurn to other all the time nervous lost and inigibited and dautnetd you are full of yourself
i must change my companionship if the only joy is in books
there is none in your paper s do you want to paint every morning grey and also what jesus offers as dead dull and stiufyy
i am allowed to be angry at tyour misery if you willingly impart it
wahy wouldyou you want to be a healer instead you search for gloom and gloom and then the sharing of it oh help
here is some old news you never knew i bought this book and dozen or so like it to teach from the world is your lobster by adrian henri
oh my friend who bought me a pint tin birmingham and helped me hang my pictures when the napa belonged to a created set of people and had as much imagination as it had acrylic paint pharisees get in everywhere and expel the children who would come
any way her is a haiku
autumn haiku
the high-pitched laughter
of girls outside swirls like leaves
on the autumn wind
city park in winter
snowdrops stand up stiff
twilight nurses
round the darkening flowerbeds
what to say or to keep saying what new thing is in me?
well there are the current projects yet it is a special day and the fan heater bathwater and the birds outside are urgent with expensive heat of being alive do something so then projects goals and reaching deep within
so then so much tp schoose to do let me think not that jsut brings stage fright just flow along and bee so then the fingers are dancing and a i am not lookling at the screnn reminding me music practise lookat the music mnot the keys so can i simple wathc the screeen no because i do not yet know where the keys are oh permanently lost and chaotically scattered they are i am concentrating on where they are and loking for the nearest fingers i wonder if i blog enough look and do not lok enough whether soem day i can work without editing yet i know somehow that the blogging needs these sp;lashingds around tese mistakes errors and freedoms tat some jhuour of freedomitself will allow othere liberty
yesterdya whilst eating a very thin expensive pizza i delighted myself by reading that ronald searles monica di in fact recover tfrom her cancer and 40 years later the book of mr mole his drawings for her is in fact a celebratiory volume of his doing what he could it is an encouragement of drawings yet i still beliebe i will also play piano even with this scribbling gift god say yes to me encourager me enables me to believe that music will pour in stero from me yet
so the to
the artist way
i am to start an image file wel here goes then
a file of dreams five desires
musician/performer writer several instruments piano/violin
holiday home beach reverie matisse klee franck seeings
large kitchen studio garden
wife as lover healthy fit me wonderful bedroom
journals published with albums of music god's journalism
a wish list a dream file is this a sin?
not according to my understanding of God's love No
grumbling poor me ness
that may not be sinful but it certainlky doen'st share the good news does it?
no i must endavour to grow in love and outpour hope so i continue
with the blessings the gratitude the bath is poured out and the birds and fan heater are still singing i think it is warm enought to turn the fan heater off and get another cuppa
i got on the bed and tore sheets out of holiday brochure files on the wall a photo of the liver bre build and meal around its clock
i included someone being masseges and tree lined mediteranenan coloured water
i will add drawings an images as they come up to my prayed for gosly abundance and seek to pour out from my home all that should be currency rather than current damned
there is a debussy album somewhere that speaks of music for dreaming aaaaah it is all comming back to me amen
i think too of the blue guitar project of chris rea i will play amd meditates on same too
5 imaginary lives
1a dancer a bass player
2an internationally accalimed illustartive journal writing
3abstract and seeing drawing exhibition artist
4a childrens book writer
5a life coach who makes pictures to encourage others in the course gifts
images of these to go in my dream file dancer bassists writer encourager abstarct exhibitions journalism
if i were twenty
and had money i woyuld travel the world with guitar and paper and pen an write a series of songs and images about the joy of being alive mayall and searle would be a beginning to these thoughts and the depth of dylan and the sensitivity of klee'franck'chagall would inform my visual songs
five adventure
create song play gigs make albums
island hop greece and learn to play mandolin with illustrated notes and atwercoulrs of the places i woul take sara middhas sketchbook and lears greek drawings with me
three more
new york and specifically pacen in terris then to assisi
map the u.k prorperly and do a lot of cycling to
65 and had money
5 postponed pleasure
1
research chagall and follow his life path illustrating and drawing the locations feelings and reflections on the use of his images and locations of them churches theatres and rereading his poverty and seeking to make sense of his life i would also seek to learn languages that would help me with this i have only 5 years until i amm 65
2
own a kiln and make figures to fire lots of them romantic only nothing else only klee playfulness franck seeing and matisse /chagal/picasso at his most ellegeant
3
live in st ives and redo the story of them all asif i were thenm particulalry wallis hepworth and nichiolson heron
aaah klee though he was never there is more st ives than all of them as is chagall matisse and picasso and searle and janet ahlberg oh well st ives yes and pastys
4
find the girl of myu dreams arry her and let her know in song and image how it is to truly fly in love with the wind of god in your heart
5
pacem in terris/assisi
add all these images to the file so need to find stives chagall annd pacem in terris images as a beginning
as there is still alot to do with this i will have my bath and take my the net book to my farm proect place
i love cod liver oil and malt so much i turn the jar upside down and let the last few drips of syrup fill the lid and put my face to it
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