Sunday, 12 February 2012

what a difference a day makes

i woke up with clarity of thought
tidiness of mind and with the intention of obedience
to a spirit a Holy Spirit
of change in me
the flat will be tidy
 my friends piano
will be in the flat for my birthday
my diet is being maintained again
i was benath 13 stone on the scles the other morning
i have bought 3 lettuce heads that are long
 and are so like Chinese leaves that
i will confidently simmer them with chopped onion
then arrance with emmenthal and basil
to casserole them so that the cheese melts over them
i will poach them effectively in swiss bouillion

getting out there
so good to know that i am playing in a band this morning on the bass
i am tempted to try simons piano chords with church music like this of annes that is providing me with so many downloads of songs that i have a stock o modern christian parise to enjoy


i am on areading fest with julia cameron's book
what a real contribution to life weel organised thougths and life coachong is in book form

a goal is clearly emerging to encourage creativity and learning
by modelling a playfulness like sarks joni mitchells john mayalls
why these?
biographical originality on a par with
janet and allen ahlbergs
max lucado

yet just realised although julia does do that my ear/eye attention has been on the midwifery of the Holy Spirit

so then i am doing morning pages in the stillness of the hourleading to 8 it is currecntly 7.25

it is a cold morning and cloder still because i slept without the radioator on having done a hot water bottle instead which remained warm as i did most of the night miraculously

my shoulders though pjs and dressing gowned are complaining well my right one is not my left which is nearer to the radiator

'Recovering a sense of Integrity' is the heading on chapter 4 of the artist way
the first page is asking are things really okay that is really as opposed to officially

now here is a heavy thought
i do not turn to the minister for ministry though i do trun to the team
yet i like and trust enjoy the ministers ways

an older used to be minister
revealled too honestly
that someone had said he had no authority
in this church

whilst my empathy is with him in his authoriy need and inferred hurt

here is the language of the paid servant then
i profess my faith
i know that my provider employer creator is Gog
or if you like me prefer the less overused cliche terminology yet are concerned about throwing out the lovliness with the hippy dippy new age bath water
then senor or aothor
may be better but one thing that is clear is i do not form my thought breath nor my blood flow
i am not my own author
this stream of consiousness is as much me listeneing believing hoping as it is any form of keybaord frenzied rem  expression self expression poem of jim's
no god is my employer and i profess this therefor he is my employer and i profess my faith therefore i

i too am a professional christian

like the minister and like our unfortunate friend who is seeking to let us know his authority

whose authority#for this profession is a gift and share ware not an ownership thing

so integrity like eye and foot

i found myself speaking again bloggin in conversation as all people who live alone find themselves doing when the unsuspecting wedding guest of coleridges ancient mariner meets the flow of supressed build of of verbal mental blessing upon the man who lives alone



my friend les was born without a roof to his mouth and so learnt everything in hospital
from there he learned chiropody i am sure he had lots to moan about but he didn't to my recollection
he did not sit in daily mail of misery judgement and foist it on us to damn out encouragement effforts of cheer

les learned chiropody from his hospital bed
he then when he was fortunated enough to escape into some form of normal
used what he had learned and the parable of the spectacles for the lame man appears

a man with arched feet kept coming for treatment
and les tired everything even acupuncture
i know that implies judgementalism so let me say he tried accupuncture and even other well known curess

nothing worked until he stood back and viewd the whole picture

the man needed glasses
he was so obviously grasping the floor with his feet.   obvious is it not?

oh so then we have flaws we grasp when it is flight we seek...

i am professional living person

again nthe story or dialogue of d,h,lawrence's creation(not too quich to think this will be erotic-as i am when i hear hsi name)

you are a carpenter
i like to work with wood
you are a joiner than and a very good one
no not really
oh you are so awkward

what would you say then?
hear the birds outside professional flautists?
no they are just birds
well then i am just a man

KRYA  are outburst or blurts of anger discontent change in us we have had enough of the neurotic same old same old but we reach for its support ciggies moans cream cakes grumbles miseries and gloom papers
and get back onto a machine that makes us sick ignoring the change we long for yet this loyal freind of discomfort is trying to help us not job's comfort us
KRYAS are spitiual seizures   you can't rescue a brother who needs to save himself
i don't need this any more

she says 'when the old you is leaving and grieving

the search and discard impulse seizes you
the new you celebrates and grows strong
be prepared for tears and laughter

we have engaged God within to heal us

the snowflake of you soul is emerging though it seems like self will is running riot

there is  a willingness to speak to and listen to God

reading deprivation space can now be filled with

throwing things away
trips to the tip
piano practice
dance booking
sorting fixing and playing
thinking being walking working caring self nurturuing song writing rhyme and reason

what is my ideal environment?

a mixture of dance music beach sculpting children book writing etc picassos

My favourite season is spring

Ongoing self nurturing toys paper white boards music white painted simpler space but warm with flowers emptier hollower wonderful dancing scupture i must play in all dimensions and all wayys

 a short vacation 
William Penn Club London

i stayed here to go and see dr Frederick francks show after his death

Give an unused suit to oxfam and through way turn to rags remove etc all the stuff clothes and debris from murals extra stretch boards and garbage from the flat when thurday week the artists date 

one situation in my life that i have not changed but should is the untideness of the flat
what is the pay off for being stuck...a little confusion pretense that it makes it warmer being a nest of bits when it just prevents clarity and may even keep me in rather than allowing me to fly.....................?

No comments:

Post a Comment